AAH,THE AMERICAN JOURNALIST
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from
the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.
Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw
this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.
Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?
A Harley Davidson.
The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
I finally did it. Working 80 hours a week, I did the dirty deed.
I traded in my hunka hunka honda for a 2008 HD DYNA SUPERGLIDE
I was so excited, that I (thought)I had enough winter gear on,
after 10 miles of freezing, I realize, I didn't;
needless to say, my inner child fuzed the match it was playing with and froze my ass off riding home 25 miles.
Damn Texas weather.
I should be able to post the pictures tomorrow.
move to Kentucky and I am still here in Texas.
to the one that called me to meet up and go riding in Kentucy, I do so truly apologize for not returning your call, please accept.
To the BKIB (Investigation Bureau),
See my ZIP, Zippey Do Day!!!
Let me xplain, I was looking for some on my ol' Army friends in the Ft. Knox area, so I changed my zip, oh, and how I forgot to change it back.
Well, I am home, here in Texas.
Did ya'll miss me?
good news, my ol' army buddies are, well a few of them, are also riding the Iron Butt Ride with the CVMA also.
It was worth it, to go to KY zip code, but I am glad to be back home.
Hugs to ya'll...
The association I ride with are putting together an unofficial Iron Butt Ride, 1000 miles in 24 hours in June 2008. I'll be leaving Copperas Cove, TXD to Spearfish, SD. Could any of ya'll give me any advise that ya'll wouldn't mind passing on. I am already trying to get in the mind set of the lil' engine, I think I can, I think I can, do this. HELP!!!
The Redneck Challenge:
I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,and I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya, there's a hole heap of things that big city book-learnin don't prepare ya for in this life.
This weekend there are alot of Veteran Day Parades scheduled. If there are any in your local area, please attend and show you support for the Veterans. Also if your close by to a Veteans Cemetery, go and visit, the flags that are put out to each headstone is normally place by the Boy Scouts and it is a site to see.
I am going bald...but don't know exactly when...it's all for my Moms. She is in stage 3 of breast and lympnode cancer. I will be shaving my hair off as she loses hers and giving all 18" to the locks of love; however, I will be keeping a rats/chinese tail, thats her decision. Being all in good spirits Moms and I are out and about dew rag shopping, preferably pink, any shade and design. Should anyone run into some unusal pink rags, let me know. I'm going Bald, Think Pink!
Remember last month I received my pink slip, well, I am still working at the Texas Veterans Cemetery. I LA LA LA It!! Oh, the benefits are great; expectional weight lose program, farmers tan to the max, more vitiamin D than most ppl can handle. I have increased my knowledge of equipment also; skags, bobcats,
t-rex, and mules. I am thinking of applying for the Director position here soon. (maybe). But here is a pic of the entrance, See My Trees?
Going out on a limb here, but this past Monday I was handed my pink slip from home wrecking after 13 years due to office reduction. (Divorce / Bankruptcy Paralegal). I was given a hefty serverance pay, and out of the office before 11 a.m.. I knew it was coming so I am not dishearted, especially when I have 3 other part-time jobs. (2 bartending and 1 dog-sitting)(don't laugh, I make good money). Well, I called my friends asking how is a person suppose to feel when ya' get the boot, because I was laughing all the way home; I have never been fired from any job.
Well, I made one special call to a friend, he's says "T" we have a seasonal position open. I replied "I'll Take It". I begin working this Monday, as one of the official (remove all liquids, please)
Weedeater / Treewell Girl at the Texas State Veterans Cemetery for 973 trees.
No more stress, no more figuring out what to wear to work, no more steak knifes taped to monitors, no more home wrecking, well other than bartending.
I will be working with good group of people, and get this; they all ride. I will be riding to and fro with them each day.
My question is still how is a person suppose to feel when their fired, booted, let go, etc,? ; because I am stilling laughing after a week and the 2nd question is does this gray work uniform make my butt look big?
(I even get work shirts with my name on it so I remember who I am)
Please no I am so sorry comments either----LMSAO
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!!, Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago..."
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological excuses.
We never ejaculate prematurely.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
When we buy a vibrator its glamorous, when men buy a blow-up doll its pathetic.
We can be groupies, male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we can cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance.
Free moving (you get the point).
We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.
We know the truth about whether size matters.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease of life.
If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're NOT the devil.
Condoms make no significant difference to our enjoyment of sex.
We can sleep our way to the top.
Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we cheat on our spouse people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
If we forget to shave, no-one has to know.
We never have to reach down there every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If we're dumb, some people still find us cute.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
I AM NOT ONE TO USE CAPS, HOWEVER... WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?
July 10, 2007)?Authorities have arrested five people in connection with the July 4 shooting death of Hidi Gower, 31, of Copperas Cove including the victim?s husband. Deputies found Gower after receiving a report that a woman was lying in the parking lot of the VFW hall in Kempner. She was airlifted to Scott & White Hospital in Temple where she died shortly after arrival. Police arrested the victim?s husband, Donald Dean Gower, 39, of Copperas Cove, on a warrant charging capital murder around 3:15 a.m. Tuesday at a motel in Manhattan, Kan., where Hidi Gower?s funeral is scheduled later in the day. He?s held in the Riley County, Kan. Jail pending an extradition hearing.
Capital murder arrest warrants were also served on Jeremiah John Ellison, 25, of Copperas Cove; Regina Edwards, 25, of Copperas Cove, and John Robert Martinez, 27, of Copperas Cove.
They will be transferred to the Lampasas County Jail later in the day. Deputies also arrested Chaka Romain Johnson, 31, of Lampasas on a capital murder warrant.
Investigators have recovered a .45 caliber revolver that?s believed to be the murder weapon and two vehicles used in the killing, Lampasas County Sheriff Gordon Morris said in a press release issued late Tuesday morning. Morris said Hidi Gower was killed in a murder-for-hire plot. The motive was a life insurance policy, Morris said.
Once an agreement was made, Donald Gower and his wife drove to the Kempner VFW to play in a pool tournament,? Morris said.
At around 9:00 p.m., Donald sent his wife to their vehicle in the parking lot to obtain an item from the vehicle.? After she failed to return, Morris said, ?Gower sought help from another patron to help locate his wife. She was found lying beside their vehicle in a pool of blood.?
WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS???
I apologize for ranting, this happens on televison, not at home.
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, 'Down Nuts', and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, 'Cheer Nuts'.
They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, 'Booooo Nuts' and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a
beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he re turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, 'What in the world happened?' The assistant replied, 'Well everything was
going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'
Admit it - this one brought a smile to your face!!
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away.............
"We're down here ."