This was sent to me by a friend enjoy
Joys of grading (from a Teacher) Children write about the sea: 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.(Billy age 8)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7) 8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)
13) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)
Start each day with a smile.... then pass it on!!!!!
I just wanted to lets you all know i am doing well and the biggy is I QUIT smoking and of course working hard I am now doing nursing in the facilities acute unit. Lot better then pushing a med cart. I actually make a difference now. Most of you I see on BON there are more local people for me to meet.
But I never forget my best ones here
Hello my friends miss ya's but getting my life in order or should I say trying LOL I got a new position at work and like it a lot better more nursing not meant for LTC.
I HAVE QUIT SMOKING gOING ON A MONTH NOW
tAKE CARE ALL
OK some of you remember that I have been writing to a soldier in Iraq and it kinda of well did turn out to be more then anticipated.
Anyway he is coming home Yepeee mid May and we are going to finally get to meet each other
We are so excited. Working on plans now of how and when will be soon after it is how here or there in Colo but we are definitely working on it.
Yep My soldier in Iraq just told me yesterday home hopefully by Mid May.
We are so happy. Now if they would quit sending him out on 2 days missions I would be happier, but looking only at the good side
thanks folks for all the prayers
Well folks as you know I have been corresponding with a soldier in Iraq. Well, Him and his squad are on the big gun trucks that escourt others. They have started missions outside the wire.
Our power of prayer here has done wonders
Please pray for him and his squad to return safe from thses missions.
Oh yes and by the way for some strange reason we have hit it off and communicate every chance we get also video conference.
Oh now talk about long distance relationship. The good news is if our prayers keep him safe and mitlitary is nice he will return home in April. Yep this man has touch my heart and I gave up all others for him. So we will see.
Heys folks I have a pen pal or should say email friend in Iraq he is there for 18 months.
As I never sent care packages to a guy over seas I need some Ideas besides cookies and eatable goodies.
What would be fun stuff I am not sure as he says they enjoy everything. For the girls there also.
All help apprecietated
I Love this DOCTOR!!!!
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride
I already flying just getting my lic. as all of my friends here know
BUT to Add
I got my first nursing job today and start tomorrow.
Dancing, dancing jumping up and down with joy
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a
large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please
give me the strength to cross the river".
Poof! .... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to
swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river".
Poof! .... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong
legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed,
"God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to
cross the river".
Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yar ds up stream and walked across the bridge.
GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN
For all those who prayed for those folks here in CA I want to thank you
My friend in Running Springs is OK he just got home today and said all OK at his place
Cali he said he was one of the lucky ones but has lots of work to do
Thank all of you for your prayers
> > Subject: nagging conscience
> > Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day
> > long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't
> > The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
> > But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in
> > his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the
> > medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't
> > be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."
> > But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to
> > reality, whispering:
> > Dave...............................
> > Dave......................
> > Dave...........
You're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard".
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed
with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging! his arms violently trying to get the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile
at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets,
a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched
the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here ? "
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a
Happy Halloween !