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What will you NOT tolerate next time around?
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Aug 29, 2005 09:34

What did you put up with in your last relationship(s) that you have vowed to not tolerate in your next?

My ex-husband traveled ALOT with his job and it hurt us. Life is too short to sleep alone 4-5 nights a week, and keep up with each other by ph*one.

Another thing was...his passion for hunting and fishing. When he WAS home, we were either on the deer lease or at the water. Most all vacations we took revolved around one of these 2 hobbies of his.

Next time, I'll settle for nothing less than a man who is home 90% of the time, and considers my interests an important part of our life. No more of HIM coming first. WE will come first. If there are no men who think this way, too, I'm happy being single.

So...fess up. It's your turn.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Jul 25, 2007 11:35

Head games and immiturity. In order to be in a successful relationship you both have to be able to communicate with one another, talk about what's bothering you so you know what to work on. Let's face it we are all not mind readers! Being honest is what counts. Not being afraid to say what's on your mind. I would rather someone tell me the truth even if the truth hurts, you have more respect for them



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Jul 02, 2007 23:38

I won't tolerate abusive behavior from her kids. My ex allowed her teenage daughter (my stepdaughter) to treat me like absolute shit and call me the vilest of names ("fucking moron" was her favorite). When her daughter attacked me with a knife (because I told her she couldn't go out to get drunk), my ex tried to have ME arrested! Fortunately, the local police were very familiar with my step-daughter, knew what was really going on and refused to arrest me. At that point, I should have told them both to pack a suitcase and get the hell out. Instead, I put up with my stepdaughter's abusive behavior and my wife's apathy (and co-dependency) for another six months.



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, May 26, 2007 06:52

would have to say what a jerk, sorry but the woman is number 1 and should always be the most important one. then family. take care of her and all is good. been singleor 2 years amd miss the companionship, love and careing of a relationship. But treat her with respect, love and honor and alwys make her the only one.



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Veröffentlicht am Thu, May 24, 2007 05:40

Bad manners........ that kinda sums it up in a nutshell from abuse, liars, cheating to addictions doesn't it?

For a relationship to work, I think you have to be friends first, but if you meet someone who really trips your trigger... it's hard not to fall in face first. I feel taking your time before jumping off the cliff might help make things work a little better..

But who am I to say...

Good Luck!



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Veröffentlicht am Wed, May 16, 2007 13:28

I need to get out of "this time around". I thought I was smart, been there, done that. I didn't see this guy coming. Now, I can't get him to leave. I'm afraid. It hurts to be verbally and emotionally abused, but when he grabbed my neck, I was scared. That was three days ago. He says I knew what he was when I started seeing him. Nope, I'm pretty darn sure I wouldn't willingly date an acoholic, sadistic, control freak. Next time around, I want a resume and refernces.



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, May 15, 2007 02:12

Hmm, a serious subject,

When you grow up in a christian home with strick moral standards and the father is head of the home you learn at a tender age your place in life. Then you marry a dominent male and again you find yourself in a struggle for your identity.

I married a Harley racer at age 18, I thought him bigger than life and I have to say he was quite smitten with me. I was wrong and it took me years to understand the why of it. His abuse was his way of showing his anger at being abused and unloved. There was no love in our home only dominence. I could never do enough, I could not work hard enough to make him happy. The harder I worked the more he heaped on me.

In the 28 years we were together he literally burned me out, used me and abused me. I realize now that there is very little an 18 year old girl knows about life. I am happy my daughters waited until they were through college and well grounded in carrers before getting married. They knew who they where with establised identities.

Out of the ashes I crawled. I took my daughters and walked away, never looked back and have no regrets. Life can be enormously rewarding when you find your identity and self worth.

If you are in an abusive relationship get out and find out who you are. If you need help ask for it, there is a huge biker connection here, lots of good hearted people that will give you advice. Learn to lean on your friends. Do not accept this as the only way. Women can and should take control of there lives.

I have read all of the comments left here, kind of sad to read. For those in an abusive situation pull youself up buy the boot straps, take a deep breath and head on down the road.



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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Feb 23, 2007 18:35

Reading these posts and yes, physical abuse would be the ultimate betrayal, but emotional and verbal abuse isn't better. When the person who says they love you also puts you down, belittles you, makes you feel or calls you bad, or stupid or lazy. When you can not every be good enough, when the person who "loves you" attacks you with their words, that's too much to tolerate. That isn't really love



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Feb 03, 2007 20:10

I would never tolerate a lady who drinks too much. We were married six years ago and even having two of her kids in the house, it didn't matter..Only ever leaving two years ago and getting her third DUI did she realize she had a problem. After therapy and AA she realized that my giving presents on all special days,,Valentines Day, Sweetest, birthdays, etc. did she tell me if reminded her too much of her ex. I didn't have a clue how much those presents had a bad meaning. Found out too late, I guess. Leaves a really bad feeling in you heart. Hopeless romantic with broken heart..Bad thing about it missing the kids....



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Oct 03, 2005 23:57

I would not ever tolerate being a punching bag! Been there..done that..Now Im able to punch back..
All I wanna do is have peace from this day forward..

  


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 22:17

My two cents here. There's been several times that I've put myself between a man and a woman that I didn't know, to keep her from being hit. Wasn't raised to lift my hand in anger to a woman and my old granny would come up out of her grave to beat my butt with a switch, if I ever thought about it.
However. The ones I'm mostly scared for are those poor women who have been so abused physically, mentally and emotionally, that they are convinced they "deserve" it. What a horrible thing to do to someone.



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 16:54


iowaharleyrider write:
Its seams I have upset some out you with my post. Sorry about that. But I am glad to see there are many that don?t put up with that type. It gives me hope. I have copied some of you post and sent them to the friend that I was talking about. She is a friend I have known for many years. We grew up on the same block. I hope this time she will stay away and not go back.



Hope she gets out. But it ultimately has to be up to her.

I'm not sure if one kind of abuse is better than the other. I never realized I was abused (and I STILL have a hard time admitting that) until I was divorced. For 11 years, I may have been told I was pretty about 3 times. Never sexy. Not once. Flowers once on a birthday. After losing 25 lbs and feeling good, I bought a bunch of pretty nighties and stuff. After about 30 minutes, I'd hear myself saying "Does this look ok?", only to hear "Yeah babe, looks good" without even raising his damn head.

Now don't get me wrong, I had plenty of nice things. Always drove any car I wanted, I chose the homes we lived in, things like that. I had a great "material" life. But I would have rode the bus just to hear "Damn baby, that looks great!". It was one of those things I kept pushing to the back because "he's a good provider, he's not an alcoholic, he's never hit me, etc."

I even said before I would rather have had him hit me because the hurt wouldn't last as long. Of course, I feel different about things now. And ladies, in no way am I making light of you who were hit. Like I said earlier, I really don't think one kind is any better than the other.

And now, I have learned there is nothing HE provided me that I haven't afforded and provided myself a year and a half later. I always thought I 'needed' him to live the life I wanted.

I guess we all probably thought that though.

You girls rock.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 12:14

A true friend will stand by her like you have Iowa :-) People who are insecure like that need to know that they are loved and someone cares for them, and the fact that you are looking out for her shows her that. You're a good friend.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 12:08


iowaharleyrider write:
Its seams I have upset some out you with my post. Sorry about that. But I am glad to see there are many that don?t put up with that type. It gives me hope. I have copied some of you post and sent them to the friend that I was talking about. She is a friend I have known for many years. We grew up on the same block. I hope this time she will stay away and not go back.



it is unfortunate that any type of abuse is tolerated--it is sometimes due to the fact of how we were raised!!! your friend needs more than words from others she needs HELP from others and professionals--butttttttttt she is the only one who can change--and in that change she may place herself at great risk or dealth--so help is a big need



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 11:42

Its seams I have upset some out you with my post. Sorry about that. But I am glad to see there are many that don?t put up with that type. It gives me hope. I have copied some of you post and sent them to the friend that I was talking about. She is a friend I have known for many years. We grew up on the same block. I hope this time she will stay away and not go back.



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 11:40

Pushing and shoving only leads to hitting and other forms of abuse. Whether it physical or emotional, NO ONE deserves to treated that way. Sorry to hear that you went through that Nodey - so did I and we need to give ourselves credit in the fact that we were smart enough to get rid of them. Like you said it was a "boy" (well put!)that chose those actions because any real man would not treat a woman like that. Whether it be a Woman or a Man....abuse is totally and completely NOT acceptable!



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 10:16


angelrider800 write:

HarleyGurl35 write:
I'm sorry to hear any of you girls have been hit. I have never been hit by a man, and always said if I was...well, he'd have to sleep sooner or later.

It's ladies like you who make the rest of us proud. You don't stand there and take it, you do something about it and get out.

You're all good women I'm proud to be getting to know.

Thanks HG...I'm honored to be a part of such women! NO man has the right to put his hands on me in anger!! I won't stand for it!
No woman should!

Likewise, HG. I agree with Angel 100%. No man has a right to hit a woman, EVER! It is NOT acceptable.

  
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Sep 13, 2005 06:19


HarleyGurl35 write:
I'm sorry to hear any of you girls have been hit. I have never been hit by a man, and always said if I was...well, he'd have to sleep sooner or later.

It's ladies like you who make the rest of us proud. You don't stand there and take it, you do something about it and get out.

You're all good women I'm proud to be getting to know.

Thanks HG...I'm honored to be a part of such women! NO man has the right to put his hands on me in anger!! I won't stand for it!
No woman should!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 12, 2005 22:29


HarleyGurl35 write:
I'm sorry to hear any of you girls have been hit. I have never been hit by a man, and always said if I was...well, he'd have to sleep sooner or later.

It's ladies like you who make the rest of us proud. You don't stand there and take it, you do something about it and get out.

You're all good women I'm proud to be getting to know.



Thank you HG. There's only one "boy" that ever hit me. And he payed for it. I understand that some women are afraid of their abusers. But I am either too stubborn, or think too much of myself to let anyone treat me in such a way. I won't tolerate it. Too much drama for me.



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 12, 2005 22:05

I'm sorry to hear any of you girls have been hit. I have never been hit by a man, and always said if I was...well, he'd have to sleep sooner or later.

It's ladies like you who make the rest of us proud. You don't stand there and take it, you do something about it and get out.

You're all good women I'm proud to be getting to know.

  


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