I've heard it said that "bipolar disorder is to the 21st Century what depression was to the 20th." Are we supposed to be reassured by that? Dating is a minefield at the best of times, but I've encountered THREE guys with bipolar disorder in TWO years! These guys are charming, bright, manipulative, and unpredictable: not good bets for romance unless your idea of a relationship is Space Mountain.
What's up here?
Pookette - Yes. Meds are abused and sometimes an easy out. My ex was - I believe - bipolar. And was on meds, off meds, and for women there's the added bump of menapause or perimenapause and those "normal" mood swings that relate to raging hormones. Scooter's comments about Linda Blair echo the bipolar reality from my experience and I suppose it's the same with bipolar guys. But deep down I do believe that the underlying crush that was oppressing her was her failure to come to terms with herself. Who she was, what she wanted, what she was responsible for, etc. All the things most of us work through in our twenties (or sooner). The upside of all this is that for every bipolar ex-mate, there may be a "monopolar" woman or man who has cut loose after years of "dealing with it"! So happy to be smiling again, and appreciative of normalcy that they just can't wait to strike up a normal relationship! So the way I look at it we have a 50-50 chance of running into the "monopolar" half of that equation~
VulcanRider, your reply to my post about bi-polar partners was beautifully written! I'm not sure I go along with the gender-role confusion theory, but I have wondered (as I think a lot of people have, including some mental health pros) whether or not a lot of the people diagnosed as bipolar actually aren't. I believe the medical establishment, once they develop a working pharmaceutical, tend to use it more aggressively (and sometimes mindlessly) than they should. What I'm getting at here (and what I think is important for those of us who run into the suspiciously large number of 'bipolar disorder' folks in the dating community) is that I believe there are almost always other underlying mental health problems in these people, and that bipolar disorder is a convenient diagnosis for doctors. They can give these patients a pill and basically walk away from their more difficult and (possibly) hidden problems. The bipolar dude I last dated deluded himself that he was "okay," since he was medicated. But (a) he wasn't being monitored by his doc and frequently skipped his meds or negated them with alcohol; (b) his underlying emotional problems weren't getting any psycho-therapeutic attention at all.
And - again - a word to those who believe this forum is "labeling" in a negative way. Isn't there a way to discuss strategies in the dating world without being dissed for "labeling" people? I started this forum because I wanted to hear OTHER people's experiences with this disorder, and it's been really rewarding! One of the hardest things about being in a relationship with a bipolar is the sense of FAILURE AND LOSS when you can't cope with your partner's behavior. You lose somebody you like, maybe even love, because you can't deal with their behaviors. It's helped a LOT to hear that I'm not the only one who couldn't make a successful relationship with this sort of partner. Keep them comments comin', ladies and gents.
Paja you are right. I am just getting out of a relationship with a bi-polar person does that make her a bad person. NO! I used to joke with her about being married to a cross between Linda Blair ( the exorsist ) and sybil. Mood swings for a bi-polar person change from minute. you learn to deal with it or you don't, it's that simple. Does that that mean I wouldn't see someone else with it or she shouldn't be with someone else because of the disorder.NO! not as long as she is taking her meds.JK...people with that disorder react differently than so called normal ( by the way what the h*ll is normal anyway )my Marriaged ended just partly because of the disorder.The rest I don't need to go into because it wouldn't be right to do so to her or myself. Bi-polar can be eased with the right drugs and anyone that is afflicted with that disorder male or female should check into that..
Maybe it just points out that there are a lot of guys and gals who just don't know who they are! We're in the middle of a cultural change where women have come out of the kitchen and are different than June Cleaver, and men have been called upon to be broader than just a provider of food, clothing and shelter - and a bump and run. Lot's of people try to push themselves into these new cultural molds and they just don't fit! So the sooner people learn to just b ethemselves and follow the cpirit that is them, the fewer "bi polar" dudes an dudettes there will be out there. BUT...why do they try to fit these expectations? Cause they want to be with someone and share a life. The need is normal, the approach misguided, can't help but crash and burn. Popeye had it right : "I yam what I yam!" saves us all the need to be two people at once!!
Folks just remember I was simply sharing my experience and I believe I was very clear it was my subjective opinion that was behind what I said in the last post.....I simply would not want any unsuspecting person to have to go thru what I experienced but you who don't know simply can't know what it was like to be in that relationship.
yes, again I was there with my issues too.
It was a simple beware just as you would warn a fellow rider of danger ahead, yes we are talking people here and not things but the fact is people that are wounded continue to wound others... I was simply trying to raise the awareness so all would be well with you who want to be loved by another human being. I am not bitter or judgemental in my heart I just want to spare the unaware the heartache of it all it's nothing more, nothing less.
Howdy I went into my second marriage not ever knowing what Bi-polar was or meant....It was a nightmare experience and at this point I agree with the person who said run and run fast. Ignorance is not bliss I went too fast in getting together for various reasons but could not handle the control,the guilt, the mood swings plus many other undesireable traits.
Yes ladies I had my negative things too.
In the future I plan to be looking for the red flags, no doubt. I will take my time to find out what this person is made of....not scrutiny just eyes wide open to make sure most everything they say makes sense and is congruent. Yeah I am scared to love again but I'm optimistic that it is possible to have the love I desire if I am careful. The scary part is one can never be 100% sure that the person they choose will be the responsible, fair and loving person they first claimed to be. I plan to be that person and Yes I will miss the mark as we all do but it has to do with total effort and simply being willing to do the stuff that makes it work.
When I sing the song "Danny's song"
(written by kenny loggins and made popular by Ann Murray) there is a line near the end that says "try to earn what lovers own" I want to pursue what that means because that is what I want to own. I truly want to know what love is. I don't for minute believe that it should be or was created to be a battle field. Love should be and is a refuge for the two people in love with all of the bennies that should be there.
Hey, harley girl and all who resist and resent labels: Me, too! This thread wasn't started to hammer labels, but to ask about bipolar disorders in the dating community and people's experiences with them. Have only heard two responses to that initial question. BUT, looking at that list of bipolar individuals who you think have done pretty well for themselves, I spotted a fair parcel of alcoholics, drug addicts, people in and out of rehab, people who've trashed careers and families, committed violent crimes, bankrupted companies, and suicided. If that's "doing well," sis, then I'd like another definition, please. Pookette
Glad you're activist for awareness about bipolar disorder and the fact that - as I mentioned in my initial post - it doesn't preclude somebody being smart and talented and attractive. But the same could be said for diabetics. Nobody would suggest a diabetic avoid medical attention, but your characterization of the mental health establishment as "a straitjacket" makes me think you believe bipolars can't gain anything from medical/psychiatric intervention - and I WON'T agree with you there. Just as diabetes causes severe and potentially fatal health issues, bipolar disorder results (statistically) in a wide range of interpersonal problems, suffering, and the highest suicide rate of any form of mental illness. The bipolars with whom I've been involved were NOT doing well, generally, and caused a lot of harm to others around them, as well, largely because they evaded their medical and moral responsibility to manage their illness. After living with a bipolar for 5 years who suicided, I have a lot of residual trauma from that. But as to whether I'm judgemental - ? Come on, girl, even after all that I've continued to give bipolar men a chance. In every case I've been disappointed by guys who use the disorder as an excuse to evade moral and social responsibility. I'm tired of getting battered emotionally by these people and "Oh, that's my norm," is NOT an excuse.
How did a 41 year old end up in Nam? H would have been 6-8 years old at the time. I don't recall any branch of the military letting kids that young go but maybe it was some sort of top secret program the government was working on at the time. You never know about our government haha. And here I was thinking 18 was too young....Well, gotta go take my meds and get those voices outa my head. They've been guiding me since I got out of the military and have made alot of good decisions listening to them. C'ya
I can not beleive your atitude, which other than judgemental is as vague and pretntious. Bi Polar in the 21st Century is largely misunderstood and boxed like any other minoral group in society. Behavior is a choice and if a Bi Polar person wants to live the label-let them...some dont live the label are creative genius', intelligent, fun and boldly will get in your face and tell you to understand the differences in life before throwing a chasm of rejection at it. Move forward and love people with challenges that if only taken as brilliance you might do a search and discover that the most influential people in history( Churchill, Lincoln,Einstien, Van Gogogh, Gaugin, Patty Duke, Jim Carey, Madonna, Britney Spears, Robin Williams, Egdar allen Poe, Elizabeth B Browning, Dylan Thomas-the list goes on and on-but all people accepted for their virtues rather than their hinderances which largely come from others) Bi Polar and have accomplished what many cant even think about never mind consider doing...The mental Health system is a straightjacket and I hope those men you speak of grow and find beautiful women to love and be loved by....finally face it,finally, what human behavior is without err???
Well, hey FLbiker714. If you asked me out, I sure as shootin' don't remember it. Maybe the rambling about Nam and acid got me cornfused. Or maybe you're confused. Or maybe we are ALL confused which is why we're on this dingdanged website. Pookette
pookette write: I've heard it said that "bipolar disorder is to the 21st Century what depression was to the 20th." Are we supposed to be reassured by that? Dating is a minefield at the best of times, but I've encountered THREE guys with bipolar disorder in TWO years! These guys are charming, bright, manipulative, and unpredictable: not good bets for romance unless your idea of a relationship is Space Mountain. What's up here?
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that I've asked you out and it didn't get me anywhere, so perhaps you keep making the same wrong choices and meeting the same type of guy. I know a few people with bipolar disorder (I don't date them), and they are as you said, usually very bright and articulate. I have no idea if there are more bipolar people these days than in days past, as I have never been interested in studying the statistics...but I do have a question. Why haven't you written? The kids miss you...and it's tough working three jobs and sending you half the money. I pulled you out of that tiger cage in Saigon and this is the way you repay me? What about when you dropped all that acid at the Grateful Dead show in '69? I stayed with you for four days and then we had to walk all the way back to Milwaukee. Damn those were some good times though. Oh...am I rambling? What was the question? LOL I don't know why you've been dating these people though...why don't you take me up on a ride sometime and we'll see how it goes.