hey thighsyn i like your look have you ever been to australia we have good rides good weather cold beer and beaches all around the country.must have something to do with bieng a contenant nice bike nice face talk to you
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder is cut short by Bob the homeowner coming out
with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last night." The mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies," Actually we had it Saturday night, this
is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning." We had
a about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for the partyin' and it got a bit wild. Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, " How do you play that?"
Bob continues between the hung-over gasps, "Well all the guys go in the bedroom
and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "units"
showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn I am sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did" Bob responds," your name was guessed four or five times."
My favorite desert? IceCream filled with fresh fruit.
I usually do break the speed limit anyway. As for test the boundries, well I like that idea, but seems I did that here and the Rev of BK pissed on the fire. Please keep in mind this paticular forum is for Jokes only. Don't go outside that boundry, we'll get shitty notes or name calling back...
I knew Raggedy was freak!
Q.What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 US leader
Q: What did the sign on the door of the
A: Beat it - we're closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence.
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.
Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were all talking one
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful
girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in
They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have
their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously
It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world,"
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the
smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and simply asked
"Who the f**k is Camilla Parker Bowles?"
i do apologize for that below, i thought i could get one over on these chinky bastards that run this site, but, MY BAD...the bastards posted in another location....LMAO..i would tell you where, but, i forgot the name, go figure, and yes i will smoke another, thank you....
Any Last Words?
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'
She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'
The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'
She says, 'That he did, Father.'
The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?'
She says, 'He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she said yes.
When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper, so he used his hand. In his haste to get back to class he forgot to wash, so he made a closed fist to hide it.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand?'
The boy said, 'A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, what do you have in your hand?' So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, 'What do you have in your hand?
So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he will get scared away.'
His Mom got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hand NOW!'
The little boy opened his hand and said, 'Oh great Mom, now look what you did, you scared the shit out of him!'
I would have returned to fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. But for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. One of them was on his back in the front yard of the house they had been parked in front of and was rapidly crabbing backwards away from the patrol car. The other was standing in the street and was training a riot shotgun on the police cruiser.
So the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to let the professionals handle it anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I swear I could see the squirrel, standing in the back window of the patrol car among shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery, and shaking his little fist at me. I think he was shooting me the finger.
That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car!!
I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made an easy right turn, and sedately left the neighborhood.
As for my easy and slow drive home? Screw it. Faced with a choice of 80mph cars and inattentive drivers, or the evil, demonic, attack squirrel of death... I'll take my chances with the freeway. Every time.
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a
t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing.
I grabbed for him with my left hand and managed to snag his tail. With all my strength I flung the evil rodent off the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.
That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.
But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel.
This was an evil attack squirrel of death!
Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and with the force of the throw swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact he landed square on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!
The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him.
I was startled to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.
The engine roared as the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in, well, I just plain screamed.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn t-shirt, and only one leather glove roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating ...