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Posted on Mon, Nov 14, 2005 10:32

dreamer8 write:
Have read this thread twice but got too upset both times to put finger to keyboard.all the posts were very moving.
I lost my hubby suddenly one monday morning to a massive heart attack,he was only 44.I spent 40 minutes trying to help him on the hallway floor waiting for the ambulance but he died in my arms.Our 4 girls and I were devastated to say the least.Part of me wanted to give up but i love our daughters too much.
It has been 20 months now and I feel him with me always.How could it be any different when we were and still are soulmates?He will always be part of me and our girls.Always on my mind and forever in my heart.
Will post again soon,take care all & keep dreamin.x

Thanks for your post. You have survived and you will continue to survive. My daughter lost her first 15 years ago. Saturday she called me and said she needed to talk because I was the only one who would understand. We didn't talk about him or Sweet Pea. We just talked and knew. She has a wonderful husband now who allows her to cry and to remember him once in a while. You will find that kind of guy someday. Keep dreamin'.



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Posted on Fri, Nov 11, 2005 04:46

I love you ... thanks for Sharing and loving me ...



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Posted on Fri, Nov 11, 2005 02:39

thunderunderme write:
I am have a harder time w/this second anniversary w/o him than the first one. I also seem to be missing him more as time goes on.

I am looking forward to when my children understand why I acted the way I did and made some bad decisions after their dad died.

Gosh I need a ride in the wind...

char....i wish there was something we could do for you, i know in reality there is no way to take your pain from you, but hopefully knowing we love and understand you helps a little.....the first couple we unbearable for me, but-and i know this sounds horrible-sometimes i forget now when my anniversay was-i mean i remember after the fact...but it always amazed me that when i realize it, i could and alway say "oh, that's why i was so down and cring"...it get's so deeply buried, but my subconcisous knows, for me to survive i guess....listen char-you'll be forgive, lady v is right, just hold on tight.....i didn't handle the first few years to well, became a drunk and anything else that was ingestable to get so wasted that i didn't have to face another day without him, to the point my kids ended up trying to take care of me......nice-huh....all the chit they were dealing with and now this.....but my kids and i are fine now and they will realize there is no right or wrong way to deal with losing a loved one, we each deal with things in our own way......when i finally got my chit together, i apolized to them, and had to let them come back to me when they were ready, and they did....just as yours will.......i hope the time is easing up for you....there is no clich'e that can be said to help you at the time, but remember you are loved and cared for, cry if you have to-don't hold that in because it will just fester up inside of you....my love and a hug are sent to you, and i will keep you in my thoughts.....take care g/f.....luv ya

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 16:50

Bea, thank you so much for the hug, the warmth, the kind words and your friendship. I come back to this thread often because here I know we have an unspoken bond that most will never understand until they have walked in our shoes. I understand your anger and asking yourself "why God." I have asked myself that one a million times. Not only do we feel anger. We watch our children grow up with anger of their own. We hurt for them as much as we hurt ourselves, maybe more. Congratulations on the Engagement, Bea. Seems like there is much to celebrate these days. Char, I have no doubt that the second anniversary is tougher than the first was. I think we are in denial initially. We try to remain strong for our kids, for appearances sake. I know I did. Your kids will eventually forgive you. They do not understand that it was your way to get through your heartache. One day they will.
I agree, none of us asked to join this illusive club. I would wish it on no one, but here we are and we are here for one another. We are NOT alone. If I can share anything that I have been through that will help another overcome their pain, I will do so gladly.
Again big hugs for all of you.

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 14:48

I am have a harder time w/this second anniversary w/o him than the first one. I also seem to be missing him more as time goes on.

I am looking forward to when my children understand why I acted the way I did and made some bad decisions after their dad died.

Gosh I need a ride in the wind...



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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 13:56

lady V....wow, what else could anyone say......you bought tears to my eyes and you wrote really a nice post and from your heart.......and i too give you my love and a big hug, and that is wonderful news of your soon to arrive grandbaby.........how exciting...my son just got engaged finally, he is now thirty, and it's odd but i think now he understands more things from my point of view because he is an adult now..it was a strained relationship after his father died for a long time, and i remember when it was over and i went to him and told him that his father was gone and my son looked and me with tears in his eye's and said "i will never love anyone again", but now he is so much more free with his feelings....i remember the councler (yes, after five years of total destruction to myself in any form or way, i did get help) and i remember the councler telling me that the kids could never understand what it was i was going thru or feeling until they themselves become parents, and how right he was....yes, life does go on, and we continue to live...differently i think, more guarded because we know how quick we can lose someone we love, so maybe our feelings are a little harder to find and a little harder for us to give out, and sometimes i think people don't understand that, but when a good person comes along, even if they can only emphazie, that is a good thing for us.........yes, i agree we joined a club we had no intentions of doing, and our insite into what is important is a little stronger then some i think, but yes, life does go on......you have to keep us updated on that baby.....i'm so excited for you guys........

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 13:52

thunderunderme write:
Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary. I remember our last one 2 years ago. We went out to eat and had our favorite..lobster..we splurged as we often did on our anniversary. We were so happy and had such a fun night. Little did we know it would be our last anniversary.

Does this particular day make me any sadder than yesterday or than tomorrow? No..it's just a number.

My closest times to him since he his gone is when I am riding. When I climb on Thunder I ask God to watch over my ride and then I say "Come Rock..Let's ride." He rides with me, I always feel him there. So as we were for 34 years we are still "in the wind".

hey char....i just saw this.....happy aniversary to both of you........and i'm positive without a doubt, he's loving every minute of it.............

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 09:27

DoubleDelight write:
Expander said: "Start building new memories to stack on top of the old ones."
Dane said: "When you see a friend, wheather they are the same sexx as you or not, give them a hug to celebrate their presence and when you depart, give them another because it may be the last. Celebrate life, ride like crazy and feel the wind dancin' on your skin. Take a risk, make a fist and shake it at your fears. Then dry the tears and celebrate."

~~~~~~~~~
Expander, Yes, good memories! I love the idea of stacking them on top of older ones that are in the past. Congrats on the new bike! I hope you find some great people to make new memories with.


Dane: Hope you have been able to celebrate lately. Shake that fist at the fears!

Lady V: Just read your story for the first time. Thank you for sharing it. My heart goes out to you and the others who have been through such a loss.
May you all be able to create many new wonderful memories to lighten your hearts and fill your souls with healing.

DD

Thank you DD. Life is an open book with many chapters to fill. Each new chapter has left me with beautiful memories to relect back on and cherish always. Here's to beautiful tomorrows!

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 14:47

cinderella...i understand what you wrote.....it has been since 88 for me, and i still get angry......i also wondered why we had to met and have children, because when they found the cancer they said he had it for years before it was picked up....i always wondered why i was given him and they the powers that be knew he was going to be taken away.....that use to really get me angry, but i realize that if i never met him, i never would of experiensed that kind of love.....that helps me some......oh yea and the guilt of remembering that you didn't think of him that day, that too fades as alot of things fade....chit, when i knew i was leaving the state i took some of the dirt off of his grave and placed it in a box....why....i dunno.....chit-i use to go to the grave in flannal pajams (in the beginging), but that also faded.....i don't go to his grave-i can't look at his name is stone like that, but that is me....as you said we all handel things the way that is best for us.....for what it is worth-happy anniversay.......

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 14:03

I come back to this thread often...it's like I'm drawn here even though I have never lost a spouse or boyfriend...But I do have friends close to my heart & soul who have...my heart aches for each & every one of you & I just want to reach out & gently wrap my arms around you & give you a long & warm hug & to gently wipe the tears from your eyes & stop the aching in your heart...I want to believe in my heart that I do know how you feel with your loss...But each person has their own feelings with their loss. Be it with the loss of their loved one...their soulmate...the loss of a parent...a sibling...& I feel even in some cases, the loss of their mate through divorce...
My heart is aching right now & I have tears in my eyes as I'm writing this...
May one day each & every one of us find Peace & Tranquility in our hearts & souls & to allow love to enter our hearts once again. We don't need to ever forget our loved ones & we don't ever need to feel the need to stop talking about our loved ones...they were a very special part of our life. And I feel that one who hasn't experienced the loss of a spouse/soulmate...if that person is caring & compassionate enough...that the person who has lost their loved one would hopefully open their heart to allow this person into their heart & to love again...
Hugs...

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 07:00

Expander said: "Start building new memories to stack on top of the old ones."
Dane said: "When you see a friend, wheather they are the same sexx as you or not, give them a hug to celebrate their presence and when you depart, give them another because it may be the last. Celebrate life, ride like crazy and feel the wind dancin' on your skin. Take a risk, make a fist and shake it at your fears. Then dry the tears and celebrate."

~~~~~~~~~
Expander, Yes, good memories! I love the idea of stacking them on top of older ones that are in the past. Congrats on the new bike! I hope you find some great people to make new memories with.


Dane: Hope you have been able to celebrate lately. Shake that fist at the fears!

Lady V: Just read your story for the first time. Thank you for sharing it. My heart goes out to you and the others who have been through such a loss.
May you all be able to create many new wonderful memories to lighten your hearts and fill your souls with healing.

DD

  


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Posted on Tue, Nov 08, 2005 19:51

expander1 write:
I pick up my new street bike next month. This is something Di and I had promised ourselves for many years. It's going to be bitter sweet to fulfill this dream without her.

Expander, my husband used to kid me and say "Stick with me Babe and we will have that circular driveway with our Corvettes, you with your white one and me with my black one." When I finally came back to the world of the living I knew I had to fulfill that part of our dream. I went out and bought myself that white Corvette. That dream was short lived though. I picked up 3 speeding tickets in less than a year. Honest officer I wasn't really doing 107 MPH.... was I? Lol. Anyway, after the initial shock wore off from the price of those speeding tickets? I realized that it really helped me to not lose sight of a dream. Expander, do not do as I did.... but enjoy your new bike. Di would want this for you. Ride-On!

  


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Posted on Tue, Nov 08, 2005 17:59

Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary. I remember our last one 2 years ago. We went out to eat and had our favorite..lobster..we splurged as we often did on our anniversary. We were so happy and had such a fun night. Little did we know it would be our last anniversary.

Does this particular day make me any sadder than yesterday or than tomorrow? No..it's just a number.

My closest times to him since he his gone is when I am riding. When I climb on Thunder I ask God to watch over my ride and then I say "Come Rock..Let's ride." He rides with me, I always feel him there. So as we were for 34 years we are still "in the wind".



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Posted on Mon, Nov 07, 2005 21:07

Well I guess that it is my turn to jump on in here. Not quite sure what to type so I guess it will just come to me as it usually does. First, I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you who have lost loved ones. I have read through these threads and there are some beautiful and touching words of advice for others. Bea said she was told that she would not dream until she could deal with the pain. My husband died when my 2 children were babies. He died suddenly, a result of a motorcycle accident. Although it was many years ago I remember that night as if it happened yesterday. First the headlights of his friends coming up the driveway in the middle of the night to break the news that he had been in an accident, the frantic calls to the hospital, the visit from the coroner, the days that followed. You never forget! You never forget them, and as many have said you never forget someone you loved... and memories are not something to be ashamed of. Memories are a good thing. I did go to counseling Bea. My Boss was worried about the state I was in and told me that they had support groups. I was sleeping around the clock. I lost a year of my life. I can't even tell you where I was or what I did during that time. I slept so I did not have to face reality. I guess we all deal with the pain in our own way and in our own time. My counselor was great. He was a friend from high school. He told me that I had to allow myself to grieve in order to get through it and get on with life. It hadn't even dawned on me that it was ok to do so as grieving is also the road to healing. Well I cried myself a river. To this day, if I hear one of our songs I will cry. I look into my Son's face and I see his Father. I think how proud his Father would be of him today. I heard news last week that my Son and his wife are expecting a Son in March. This was such awesome news. Life goes on.... we go on. We become stronger people because what we have had to endure. We have an empathy, and understanding, that only those that have lost a significant other can understand. V, this is an excellent forum. Hopefully these sharings will help those who have recently lost a loved one. Again, my heart goes out to each and every one of you.... and I would like nothing better than to be able to reach out and give each and every one of you a "real HUG!" Peace and Blessings!

  


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Posted on Mon, Nov 07, 2005 11:21

Have read this thread twice but got too upset both times to put finger to keyboard.all the posts were very moving.
I lost my hubby suddenly one monday morning to a massive heart attack,he was only 44.I spent 40 minutes trying to help him on the hallway floor waiting for the ambulance but he died in my arms.Our 4 girls and I were devastated to say the least.Part of me wanted to give up but i love our daughters too much.
It has been 20 months now and I feel him with me always.How could it be any different when we were and still are soulmates?He will always be part of me and our girls.Always on my mind and forever in my heart.
Will post again soon,take care all & keep dreamin.x



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Posted on Sat, Nov 05, 2005 12:38

WINDSPIRIT50 write:

verdaineg write:

WINDSPIRIT50 write:
I belong on this forum and I keep coming back but I can't seem to touch it except to let you know my heart is with you all!.....Mo



Howdy Sweet Lady,
Mo.. You will touch it when you are ready. You have touched us just by posting this.


Thanks! Maybe Someday!

hey mo, how are you girl, you come in when your ready, no hurry we will be here for you....always have been.....luv ya.......

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 11:26

Just trying to keep this from falling off the radar scope. I know there are other widows and widowers out there that can use this thread.

It is ironic that I posted what cosugarbabe said to me two days before she crashed.



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Posted on Mon, Oct 24, 2005 10:24

Yesterday I talked with another widow. She has a great outlook on life. She is a nurse and is on BK. Her name is cosugarbabe. She has stopped looking at dates as anniversaries and started remembering all the good years she and he had together. She said, "I think of him everyday, why would I want to pick certain dates to be sad. I celebrate the time we had together rather than morn one day of loss." What a great attitude. Last night I started takin' dance lessons. I started lookin' at our time together and I will continue to celebrate life rather than morn one day of a lifetime.

When you see a friend, wheather they are the same sex as you or not, give them a hug to celebrate their presence and when you depart, give them another because it may be the last. Celebrate life, ride like crazy and feel the wind dancin' on your skin. Take a risk, make a fist and shake it at your fears. Then dry the tears and celebrate.
Yesterday I talked with another widow. She has a great outlook on life. She is a nurse and is on BK. Her name is cosugarbabe. She has stopped looking at dates as anniversaries and started remembering all the good years she and he had together. She said, "I think of him everyday, why would I want to pick certain dates to be sad. I celebrate the time we had together rather than morn one day of loss." What a great attitude. Last night I started takin' dance lessons. I started lookin' at our time together and I will continue to celebrate life rather than morn one day of a lifetime.

When you see a friend, wheather they are the same sex as you or not, give them a hug to celebrate their presence and when you depart, give them another because it may be the last. Celebrate life, ride like crazy and feel the wind dancin' on your skin. Take a risk, make a fist and shake it at your fears. Then dry the tears and celebrate.



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Posted on Fri, Oct 21, 2005 19:40

verdaineg write:

Angelle write:
hello to everyone that has posted in this particular forum topic. I just wanted to share abit of my experiences of whats happened to me and my sons in the last 4 years. My husband passed away after a 6 month struggle with cancer. My sons were 9 and 12 at that time. I have found that basically we are doing it alone as the family have abandoned us or more me in particular. My kids have struggled in so many ways, at school, with friends and just life in general.
Ive tried councilling for them but its so hard for kids to accept that they can benifit from that sort of thing.
I did counciling for a while then had to start again late last year when things got really hard. I found myself struggling too hard to please everyone in my life. I had the school on my back and my younger son being suspended on a almost weekly basis. I have had a few relationships with men but Ive realized that it will take a very special man to want to take the journey with me and accept my sons as part of the package deal. Many people have no idea about grief or even have empathy for people that have experienced a loss. I want to have a great life again and I know that Ive tried so hard to be everything for my sons, they are growing and getting slightly better but its been a real hard slog.
I have no idea how my sons feel, I have only lost a partner not a parent.
Everyone associated with the departed loved one has a different grief and different coping skills. I guess what I wanted to say is that life goes on and we must be glad that we can wake up every morning and put our feet on the ground and keep walking. Life is to be cherished and we should take the time to enjoy even the simplest things.
Hugs to everyone - Cazzie



Howdy Cazzie! Thanks for the great post. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It sounds like you are moving along in the process. I hate hearing that myself but .. sometimes ya gotta say what ya gotta say. Please stay in touch with this string. The more of us that post the more others may understand. The more they understand the more likely we and they will be able to cope with each other when we meet that special someone again.

Ride free. Ride like there is no tomorrow. Hug those you are with when you first see them to celebrate their presence and hug them as they leave as if you may never see them again.

LRB Dane

DANE
Thanks for your support and taking the time to read my post. I think there are alot of people in situations similar to ours and we have learned a great deal from what has touched us, I think we stand as better folk. I keep thinking that maybee one day I shall share my life with someone special and someone that can UNDERSTAND ME. Until then I just keep smiling (most days) and look forward to greater things.
One thing that Ive enjoyed is the kinship from people on this site and although Im far away in Australia I have made so many friends that I dont always feel so lonely.
Good luck with everything and drop me a line sometime . Cheers and warm wishes from Oz. Cazzie

  


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Posted on Fri, Oct 21, 2005 19:31

Thanks for you support Expander.
my best wishes to you in your life journey. Cazzie
Thanks for you support Expander.
my best wishes to you in your life journey. Cazzie

  


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