Biker Forums > Relationship > Question for the Men Previous topic Next topic
Jump to:
Question for the Men
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Nov 08, 2005 11:39

Gotta say you're wrong, PB You're the one who gets to decide whether your feelings and misgivings about this guy puts YOU into the 'not ready for a relationship' category, or whether you want to take the chance of passing those exact feelings you've just experienced along to the next few folks you meet. Human judgement, it ain't perfect, and it sometimes ain't pretty, but it's as individual as each of us are. That's part of the meeting and learning process.

I sincerely hope the one who is worth your tears never makes you cry, but I fall back on the 'individuality' defense, and believe that the imperfections of all of us will make us cry at one time or another. Love is when we bite the bullet and realize the circumstances and decide it didn't kill us and we're gonna still care about them anyway. Enjoy the time you have with another, and don't take it as a personal condemnation of yourself when they make choices that don't include us and our feelings. Saying "I'm not ready for a relationship!" is a misnomer, usually it should be rephrased as, "I'm not to dedicate myself to THAT relationship!" It is an error on our part to interpret the end of a relationship as a judgement of ourselves, when as a rule, it is an open and honest sharing of the pronouncers feelings. They may not even know the specifics themselves, they are only reacting to what they are feeling at the moment. Concentrate on the good, there's more of it than we usually realize, especially if we're preoccupied.

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Nov 05, 2005 08:13

hddude45 write:
Isn't it a "mulligan" when you are allowed a second chance at the hole?

Isn't that only in golf?
Isn't it a "mulligan" when you are allowed a second chance at the hole?

Isn't that only in golf?

I THINK ITS ONLY IN GOLF.......LMAO



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Nov 05, 2005 08:10

Weenie write:
stillme67 write:

notythots write:
Why are some of the men even on this site? I won,t say names but wish I could to warn some ladies that are seriously looking for the right 1. I met a man (as I choke to say man) everything was awsome, the rides, the fun we had, etc.. then without a word he was gone... no calls no messages nothing.. finally made contact with him.. his answer? LOL "I liked you to much so I got scared and ran" (so we slowed it down to no communication at all) so anyways if your profile says your looking for LTR, then why do you blow us off when everything is good? I won,t lose sleep over this man but it sure has me confused..



i don't know why people won't just step up to the plate and come clean with a situation..men or women. the line "I liked you to much so I got scared and ran" is complete bullsshit. i have been told that i am too blunt. maybe i am or maybe i'm not but people always know where they stand with me.

there is nothing wrong with that brother, if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak at all

WITH YOU 150 % WINNIE...SORRY I NEVER GOT IN TOUCH, SOME STUFF CAME UP WITH MY DAUGHTER AND ALL HE-LL BROKE LOOSE UP HERE, I WAS SO CLOSE,...IT'S LIKE THEY SAY " A DOLLAR SHORT AND A DAY LATE" BUT SHOULD BE BACK AROUND IN LATE DEC OR EARLY JAN......I ALSO LEFT MY BIKE THERE IN GOOD HANDS TO RIDE WHEN I AM THERE..........



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Fri, Nov 04, 2005 21:53

Char said:"Well ya know Mystery...ya really can't blame the guy for trying it again w/his wife. If he had not committed to you then I think he needed to know for sure. I may have told him YES, if it didn't work we can continue to get to know each other. I tend to think that everyone deserves a second chance. I also would respect him for telling me he wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing by leaving his wife. If you had taken him back the two of you may have been able to form a strong relationship. Perhaps you could tell him after he is separated >>>x amount...of time the two of you could date again. Just my thoughts. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel the same way.
WE can grow, learn from our mistakes and move towards better relationships and understanding.
Some people are stuck like a barnacle to their "stuff". Takes work to make changes. Some are in complete denial and will never make the changes.
DD

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Fri, Nov 04, 2005 05:10

Well you can swing this right back to the females of this board. You ask one to go for a ride on a Saturday. They treat you like a lepper. I have found that 90% of people have "AGENDAS". It is finding that 10% and you have a good time. But everyday ticks another day off your life.
Rich



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 15:12

jerryw13 write:
Hey, life is life and people are human. No sense holdin' a grudge. I've had people tell me they would call and they forgot, obviously they weren't that interested. I've told people I would call and I've forgotten, obviously "I" wasn't that interested. I like what I like about each person, and I dislike what I dislike as well. I enjoy the part I like and look somewhere else for the part I don't like about that person. When the part is commitment, we all know what that includes, when it's other things, it's not worth carrying around all the time. If I like someone's company and want to enjoy their presence, it doesn't involve a 'second chance', it involves an evolving relationship. Enjoy what's there and don't ask for what isn't! Life is too short for absolutes.


Jerry, I agree that if I enjoy someone's company, then it's a good thing. In that respect, 2nd chances are unnecessary. It doesn't come into play. Friends are friends. And if you value each other's friendship, you'll remain friends.

On the other hand, if you are in an intimate relationship, ie., married, engaged, 'spoken for', etc., and something "goes wrong" (whatever that may be), then there is absolutely nothing to say that it won't happen again. And the affect it may have on people other than the two involved can be dramatic. My split with my first wife (twice, ie., a 2nd chance was involved) had a dramtic negative affect on my daughter which lasts to this day. So, yes, life is too short for absolutes...and for those of us that reject 2nd chances...there's always another day, and someone else down the line that may never need a 2nd chance.

Viking



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 12:53

Hey, life is life and people are human. No sense holdin' a grudge. I've had people tell me they would call and they forgot, obviously they weren't that interested. I've told people I would call and I've forgotten, obviously "I" wasn't that interested. I like what I like about each person, and I dislike what I dislike as well. I enjoy the part I like and look somewhere else for the part I don't like about that person. When the part is commitment, we all know what that includes, when it's other things, it's not worth carrying around all the time. If I like someone's company and want to enjoy their presence, it doesn't involve a 'second chance', it involves an evolving relationship. Enjoy what's there and don't ask for what isn't! Life is too short for absolutes.

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 12:50

That's the way to do it.
I will keep on trying to find the one that at the same time finds me.
Or until the checkout lane closes!!
I dont want the rose garden, you have to fertilize it. And at my age I dont want to do that again.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 12:46

Jerry you make so much sense....You think just like I do. OMGosh that is scary...lol



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Nov 01, 2005 20:07

HarleyChic1 write:

1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I'm with you on that 1viking.
"NO more second chances under ANY circumstances."

I tried that and it didn't work "AGAIN," he said he changed but he really didn't, he's still the same, so I'll never do that again.

Just keep looking you'll find what your looking for eventually -- in the meantime I'm just having a good time till I find the right one.


HarleyChic, and I agree with you...have to be leery of those who say they've changed. I gave one too many 2nd chances...and finally wised up. Until then, I could've worn a "kick me" sign on my back! **lol**

Viking



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 14:20

Isn't it a "mulligan" when you are allowed a second chance at the hole?

Isn't that only in golf?
Isn't it a "mulligan" when you are allowed a second chance at the hole?

Isn't that only in golf?

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 10:30

I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 09:29

very well said Bear
very well said Bear

  
Available only
to logged in members


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 05:46

I agree with Mystery. I'm one of the easiest people in the world to get rid of. Tell me you're leavin or tell me to go and you'll only say it once. I have no time for "second chances". If after giving it my best shot, it still didn't work; I have no faith that it will work the second time around.
And for those who tell me to "go", but "didn't mean it", I say that as an adult, you are responsible for your actions and your words. So, IF you were just angry and didn't mean it; Ya shouldn't have said it, baby!
I agree with Mystery. I'm one of the easiest people in the world to get rid of. Tell me you're leavin or tell me to go and you'll only say it once. I have no time for "second chances". If after giving it my best shot, it still didn't work; I have no faith that it will work the second time around.
And for those who tell me to "go", but "didn't mean it", I say that as an adult, you are responsible for your actions and your words. So, IF you were just angry and didn't mean it; Ya shouldn't have said it, baby!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 05:27

Mystery write:
Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.
Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.

Well ya know Mystery...ya really can't blame the guy for trying it again w/his wife. If he had not committed to you then I think he needed to know for sure. I may have told him YES, if it didn't work we can continue to get to know each other. I tend to think that everyone deserves a second chance. I also would respect him for telling me he wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing by leaving his wife. If you had taken him back the two of you may have been able to form a strong relationship. Perhaps you could tell him after he is separated >>>x amount...of time the two of you could date again. Just my thoughts.

Reason I say this is there is a couple here who are very much in love. They started in a similar fashion..but she understood and allowed him to return.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 23:51

Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.
Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 14:50

stillme67 write:

Weenie write:

there is nothing wrong with that brother, if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak at all



that's excellent! it's gonna be my new motto:
"if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak to me at all"


Great motto!

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 13:04

stillme67 write:

Weenie write:

there is nothing wrong with that brother, if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak at all



that's excellent! it's gonna be my new motto:
"if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak to me at all"


Speaking the truth...yeah. Must agree, even if it's bold and abrasive, and someone (whomever) may not like what they hear or even believe it. Better to be truthful and honest. If they can't deal with it, at least YOUR conscious is clear.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 12:17

Thats how it should be anyways, I always say if you don,t want the truth, don,t ask the question" maybe thats my problem, honest to a fault?
Thats how it should be anyways, I always say if you don,t want the truth, don,t ask the question" maybe thats my problem, honest to a fault?

Available only
to logged in members


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 11:30

"i had one guy tell me he was overwhelmed--he was seperated and going thru his divorce--part of the reason i try not dating newly divorced or newyly any status"
~~~~~~
Wow! I have had the same experiences and no more newly separated for me. Being an 'Intermediary' suxx up emotional, physical, and spiritual energy. Their needs may get met-But not the person helping with the 'new life' set up and angst!

Ready for the real deal- The grass is green enough where I am. Looks like Ireland to me...

DD
"i had one guy tell me he was overwhelmed--he was seperated and going thru his divorce--part of the reason i try not dating newly divorced or newyly any status"
~~~~~~
Wow! I have had the same experiences and no more newly separated for me. Being an 'Intermediary' suxx up emotional, physical, and spiritual energy. Their needs may get met-But not the person helping with the 'new life' set up and angst!

Ready for the real deal- The grass is green enough where I am. Looks like Ireland to me...

DD

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share