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Posted on Fri, Dec 09, 2005 04:59

Are you my daddy?

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Posted on Fri, Dec 09, 2005 04:58

Daddy's Little Squirt

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Posted on Fri, Dec 09, 2005 04:57

I tore mommy a new one....

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Posted on Tue, Dec 06, 2005 14:42

I
m putting my boots on the schitts gettin deep----Are the schitts any kin that Irish family named the O-Craps that own the shooting range?

Oh yea Kin, you forgot that sickly kid of their
s named Runny Schitt he
s a nasty little fuk!



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Posted on Tue, Dec 06, 2005 14:26

Thats all good to know but who
s Talkin Schitt---and are you sure its not a case of Bull fukin Schitt ?--isn
t that like incest or sompin?

  


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Posted on Mon, Dec 05, 2005 23:17

OK

  


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Posted on Mon, Dec 05, 2005 01:26

NEWS ARTICLE?

TORONTO (Reuters) - The Canadian province of Ontario plans to review a court decision that acquitted a man of sexual assault charges because he suffers from "sexsomnia" and was asleep at the time of the incident.

The Office of the Attorney General, which oversees the province's prosecutions, said on Thursday it needs to research its options for an appeal because of the strange circumstances of the case.

"This matter will be carefully considered to determine our next steps," said Brendan Crawley, a spokesman for the Attorney General.

Jan Luedecke, 33, was acquitted of sexual assault charges on Tuesday because he said he was asleep during the attack.

A sleep expert testified that Luedecke suffers from a disorder that causes sexsomnia -- involuntary sexual behavior during sleep -- which he had experienced before.

The court heard that Luedecke and the female victim met at a party. She testified she fell asleep and woke up to find Luedecke having sexx with her. She pushed him away and called the police.

Luedecke confessed to police after he discovered was still wearing a condom and realized he had had sexx.

Canadian media reported that the victim left the courtroom in tears when the verdict was read, and said she would take the case to the highest court possible.

The Crown has 30 days to present its appeal.


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Posted on Sun, Dec 04, 2005 23:29

Hey Kin, I resemble that remark

  


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Posted on Thu, Dec 01, 2005 15:13

Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women !
You can ride a motorcycle for as long as you like and it wont complain.
Motorcycles never develop spare tires.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride a motorcycle all through the month.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.
You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.
Your motorcycle won't judge your friends.
If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.
When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.
Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles.
Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy motorcycle.
If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.
You can have more than one motorcycle, and ride them all one after the other.
Motorcycles wont ask you awkward questions about their breast size.
If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.
You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.
Your motorcycle won't doesnt feel upset when you scream and shout at it.
You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp.
Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.
Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice.
Your motorcycle never moans if you go out with other motorcycles.
Motorcycles are never late.
Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection.
If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can't get a disease from a motorcycle.
Your motorcycle never fakes it.
Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.
Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator. (?)
Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles.
Your motorcycle won't lie to you.
Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are.
In the morning, your motorcycle won't wake you up if it wants to go for a ride.
Your motorcycle won't moan when it's cold.
You don't have to buy flowers and chocolates for your motorcycle.
Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back.
If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.
Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too big you can just get a new one.
You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.
Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.
Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines.
You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to.
Motorcycles don't snore.
Motorcycles dont care how big and fat their back end is



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Posted on Thu, Dec 01, 2005 15:12

Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men !!!!!!!!!
A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour.
Motorcycles never develop spare tires.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get you pregnant.
A motorcycle doesn't care what time of month it is.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.
You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.
Your motorcycle won't judge your friends.
If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.
When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.
Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles.
Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy motorcycle.
If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.
Motorcycles don't care about breast size.
If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.
You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.
Your motorcycle won't beat you or try to make you feel inferior.
You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp.
Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.
Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice.
Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.
Motorcycles don't make you late.
Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection.
If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can't get a disease from a motorcycle.
Your motorcycle won't care if you fake it.
Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.
Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator.
Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles.
Your motorcycle won't lie to you.
Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are.
In the morning, your motorcycle won't poke you in the back when it wants to go for a ride.
Your motorcycle won't shrink when it's cold.
You don't have to cook for your motorcycle.
Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back.
If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.
Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small you can just get a new one.
You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.
Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.
Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines.
You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to.
Motorcycles don't snore.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 01, 2005 15:12

you
of
out
pi ss
the
taking
is
bastard
clever
some
that
realise
you
when
time
in
point
this
at
is
it..........
confused ? read in backwards



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Posted on Wed, Nov 16, 2005 12:33

It is with saddest heart that I pass on the following news.

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

His wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, who has a bun in the oven, survives doughboy. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Buttersworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart "cookie", wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes



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Posted on Wed, Nov 16, 2005 02:16

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said

"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"











The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."



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Posted on Wed, Nov 16, 2005 02:08

This equation should be taught in all math classes!


From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T
2+21+1+2+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far A-s-s kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and a_s_s kissing that will put you over the top!



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Posted on Wed, Nov 16, 2005 02:03

God and Harley-Davidson

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and
went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such
a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you
can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven." Arthur thought about it for
a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur
to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and
commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle?"



Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal
in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and
can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally
spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, " Ah,
yes.".



"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major
design flaws in your invention:



1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!



"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God
went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the
results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.



Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but
according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours!"



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Posted on Fri, Oct 21, 2005 19:02

Plaid Dild0

A young man starts work at the local adult toy store. The owner says he has to go and tells the young man, if you can't find a price on something make one up.

A white chick comes in and asks "how much for the white dild0?" he says "10 bucks" and she takes it.

A black chick comes in and asks " how much for the black dild0?" he says "20 bucks" and she takes it.

A biker chick comes in and asks "how much for the plaid dild0?" he says "30 bucks" and she takes it.

The boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white dild0 to a white chick for $10, a black dild0 to a black chick for $20 and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30.

SLB
Plaid Dild0

A young man starts work at the local adult toy store. The owner says he has to go and tells the young man, if you can't find a price on something make one up.

A white chick comes in and asks "how much for the white dild0?" he says "10 bucks" and she takes it.

A black chick comes in and asks " how much for the black dild0?" he says "20 bucks" and she takes it.

A biker chick comes in and asks "how much for the plaid dild0?" he says "30 bucks" and she takes it.

The boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white dild0 to a white chick for $10, a black dild0 to a black chick for $20 and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30.

SLB



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Posted on Fri, Oct 21, 2005 18:57

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his dikk and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.

SLB
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his dikk and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.

SLB



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Posted on Wed, Oct 12, 2005 05:11

hahahahahahaha fanf**infastic .......lmao ... i sooo needed that.
hahahahahaha



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Posted on Mon, May 30, 2005 09:25

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. Huffily, she replied, "I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

  


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Posted on Thu, May 26, 2005 15:38

#1 SMART AS* ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart a*s guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says.........

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

  


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