A young man starts work at the local adult toy store. The owner says he has to go and tells the young man, if you can't find a price on something make one up.
A white chick comes in and asks "how much for the white d ildo?" he says "10 bucks" and she takes it.
A black chick comes in and asks " how much for the black d ildo?" he says "20 bucks" and she takes it.
A biker chick comes in and asks "how much for the plaid d ildo?" he says "30 bucks" and she takes it.
The boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white d ildo to a white chick for $10, a black d ildo to a black chick for $20 and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30.
Subject: Walk on Water
All of his life, Len from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing
family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-
grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.
On that day,they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their
first legal drink.
So when Len's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a
boat out to the middle of the lake. Len stepped out of the boat and nearly
drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Len went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's
my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his
father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Len's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb a(())__,
your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were
born in July."
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and
says,"Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!" But the
passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".
The man goes on and meets another passer-by. "Thank you for
having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says "I no
American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he
stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
American?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks
her, "Where are all the Americans?" The Russian lady looks at her watch,
shrugs, and says...
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on a machine and fluids from a bottle. If this ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the T. V. and threw out all of his beer!
hope not everyone has heard this one before
one sunny spring afternoon a man was sitting by mountain stream fishing a fly was buzzing over the creek ,a trout was watching the fly from under the water he thought if that fly drops 2 inches I will have him for lunch ,a bear on the other shore was watching the trout and thought if that fly drops 2 inches the trout will jump for it I will catch the trout and have my lunch.A mouse was looking at the sandwich in the mans pocket and thought if that fly drops 2 inches the trout will jump for it the man will be busy watching and I will grab the sandwich for my lunch. Also on the shore was a cat who thought if that fly drops 2 inches the trout will jump the man will watch it the mouse will go for the sandwich I will catch the mouse and have it for lunch just then the fly dropped 2 inches the trout lept from the water the bear jumped at the trout the mouse sprang for the sandwich but seeing the cat leaping at him ducked the cat missed the mouse and landed in the stream. So the moral of the story is when a fly drops 2 inches a p ussy is going to get wet.
Lobg time no talkie!!
Merry X'mas and Happy New Year!
Walmart has announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Walmart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Walmart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine," said Kathy Micken, director of marketing. She continued, "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Walmart brand. The top surveyed names in popularity are:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. Grape Expectations
And the number 1 name for Walmart Wine...
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum), or red meat (Squirrel).
How come when you mix water and flour together, you get glue?
and then when you add eggs and sugar, you get cake?
Where did the glue go?
You know darn well where it went!
That's what makes the cake stick to your Buttox!