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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Oct 11, 2005 21:52

Bea...is that what happens...they get cloned????? Rofl!!!! ITs nice to know there is someone else that can relate. I do nto get angry about how I was treated my my first hubby's family. I get angry about how the kids were and are treated. My hubby was an only son also. The last name would have died out if I had not had boys (I had 3 and a girl). ITs just sad what happened happened and they did nto talk to their son, brother, uncle. He and I had time to talk. They never understood and probably never will. THat's okay because I have to stand in front of one judge and I know what I did to take care of my hubby I did because I loved him. I have decided this; Its probably better my kids did nto have anything to do with his family. They did and do not need the negativity in their lives. They seem to be doing well...who could ask for more?



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Oct 10, 2005 07:11

str........omg.....we had the same in-laws....lol....to know they are cloned is scaredy as hell....even to this day, rick was their only son, they have four beautiful great-grandbabies who they have never seen....when the kids got older, they tried to get in touch with them, for their fathers sake, but they said they wanted nothing to do with them....yea, i know i love how that "you killed him" attitude c-omes into play....i remember looking at them and say..."what the fcuk it wrong with you"......my son also was his father's best friend, and i do understand what you are saying and going thru...when rick died my son said to me "i will never love anyone ever again"---it does take them years to c-ome back around, but your doing the right thing and he is c-oming your way....my son never said this to me but my daughter did...."mom, i don't want this to sound like i am cold or heartless, but i am glad you are the one who is alive because i dont't think dad could of done what you did"....i told her no, it wasn't cold, but unfortuntely you never knew your dad as a healthy man, only a sick man, and for that i will always be sorry, and never feel guilty for a feeling or a though, they are normal and ok, just always remember you are ok, just where you are at this moment"...my son always said he felt cheated because his childhood was taken from him....now turn the clock back 10 years and i would be writing something else....lmao....they even try to appolize for all the chit that they did and put me through now, they are so grown up....i tell them that is nice of them, and i also appolize for what i became for 5 years, but we all said-it didn't come with directions and we we all so fcuked up for years.....i wish we could paint across the sky that people need to hold strong, the family totally gets destroyed, but hold on with all you have because it takes a long time to come full circle......or as we say to each other "we have finally become so good at being a family, we have gotten to the point we are "so functional at being dysfunctionl"....we always laugh at that one....this experience of this part of life is something isn't it?....to this day, it still blows my mind............

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 09, 2005 23:11

Bea, I do understand about the hatred part. My oldest always felt like he was left with the "BAD" parent. He was daddy's favorite. He always ran to daddy when he was told to do somethning, or wanted something and was told "NO" by me. My son literally hated me. This was a child wh was so outgoing, so caring, who loved to talk to anyone about anything. After his dad died, he just shut down. Not onlydid my kids lose their father. They lost their father's family. Its a long story, one that is too long to write on here, duffice it to say, their father's family accused me of killing their dad. I have the power to give people cancer I guess. MY oldest was very close to his father's family. They turned their backs on my kids. It hurt my son so much that he shut out everyone. He and I are now within the past 3 years, to the point where he talks to me about things, personal things. He is now starting ot realize that he can let people into his life and let them get close. I never thought I would ever experience that from him. I can say this, prayers are heard. It might take a little while but prayers are heard. I never forced my son to open up to me. He had rules to follow but other than that, I just was me, was his mom and prayed that some day our relationship would be great. My prayers have been answered. I will pray for all of my friends here on bikerkiss. ITs nice to know that some of the things I experienced and the things I go through now, have been experienced or being experienced by others. I am not alone. Just know that there are people out there who do understand, that they care and are willing to listen. I am and I do! I wish peace, love and happiness to all of you!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 09, 2005 22:56


DoubleDelight write:
Bea= WoW! Big hugs-what an ordeal you went through. Glad u and your son are close again- Your post inspired me and I am sending it on to a good g/f. It might help her. B proud!

DD...thanks DD, it took me a ahile to feel proud, but it was of him i was proud, he had the hard work, and i was pround of myself to know this and to make him to do and to be ready to welcome him back into dome type of sanity again....thank you very much-you made me feel better.....your a good lady there dd............alison



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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 09, 2005 14:44

Thank you for your Post Bea. It is very enlightening. I will pray for all of us in this crazy situation. I debated starting this string but I am glad I did. I know there are others out there reading these posts and feeling what we feel. Maybe, just maybe it will help the others as they read.

Ride Safe, stay warm.. Naahhhhhh.. Take risks, ride hard, even in the cold. They are riding with us in any case.



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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 09, 2005 12:45

Bea= WoW! Big hugs-what an ordeal you went through. Glad u and your son are close again- Your post inspired me and I am sending it on to a good g/f. It might help her. B proud!

DD

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 09, 2005 10:51


beatitudes_5 write:

DakotaBlu write:
Bea.. that made more sense than I can say... thank u, my friend... xo

BLU........I'M GLAD...IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME....EVERYTHING WILL BE OK IN IT OWN TIME....TAKE SPECIAL CARE MY FRIEND......XO....

Bea...my circumstances were different, but also, the same! We do what we have too to survive..as you said, it's hell! We get no manual when we have a child...we get no manual when we lose a spouse...we get no manual when a child rebels over his/her own pain...we do the best we can! Somehow, God and all the powers that be see us through these times! I love your story..I'll share mine one day! Love you, my Sister!!!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Oct 08, 2005 09:05


DakotaBlu write:
Bea.. that made more sense than I can say... thank u, my friend... xo

BLU........I'M GLAD...IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME....EVERYTHING WILL BE OK IN IT OWN TIME....TAKE SPECIAL CARE MY FRIEND......XO....

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Oct 08, 2005 09:03

VAND.....I ALSO WENT THRU HELL WITH MY KIDS AFTER THEIR FATHER DIED....THEY HAD JUST TURNED 11 AND 12...THE BOY BEING THE OLDEST....IT WAS A SPIRIL INTO A HELL OF NO RETURN FOR YEARS...MY KIDS HATED ME WITH SUCH LOATH AND DISTAIN...THEY NEEDED SOMEONE TO HATE, AND I WAS THE SAFEST HAVEN, BUT IT WAS FCUKING HARD....AT ONE POINT THEY WENT EVEN TO LIVE WITH MY SISTER....THEY DID GRADUTATE, BUT MY SON BECAME QUITE THE EXPERT WITH DRUGS AND ETOH, ALMOST DIED ONCE FROM IT, WAS BY HIS SIDE UNTIL HE WOKE UP---WON'T GO INTO DETAILS, BUT WHEN HIS FRIENDS CALLED ME AND SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM, I GOT THERE AND LITERELLY PICKED UP THIS 6 FOOT KID AND CARRIED HIM INTO THE ER....AND IT BEING A DRUG OVERDOSE, YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WE WERE TREATED...BUT SURVIVED THAT...WHAT FINALLY HAPPENED....TIME WENT ON, WE GOT CLOSE AGAIN SOMEWHAT, AND MY DAUGHTER SAID "MOM, WALK AWAY FROM HIM, AND DON'T LOOK BACK BECAUSE IF YOU ENABLE HIM, HE WILL FOR SURE DIE THE NEXT TIME"...IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID...I TOLD JAKE I LOVED HIM, BUT I WASH MY HANDS OF HIM, NO MORE"......AS I WALKED AWAY, THE LAST PART OF MY HEART DIED, THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT IN ME...I WOULDN'T ANSWER HIS CALLS OR NOTHING....I HAD BECOME SUCH AN ENABLER BECAUSE OF THE GUILT I FELT FOR THEIR PAIN, THAT I WILL ADMIT I PROBABLEY HELPED HIM MORE THEN I RELIZED TO BE ABLE TO DO THE DRUGS AND ETOH...BUT DEATH IS NEW TO ALL OF US, AND THEY ONLY HAVE THE EXPERIENCE OF THEIR AGE TO DEAL WITH THIS...CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THEY MUST FEEL BECAUSE AT OUR AGE AND EXPERIENCE WE CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH IT, WHAT THE HELL THEY MUST BE GOING THRU.....ANOTHER TIME I HUMBLED MYSELF IS WHEN I WALKED AWAY-I WENT AND SAT IN A CHURCH FOR HOURS AND TOLD GOD, OR WHO EVER..."LET HIM BURN AND FALL HARD AND FAST, BUT TO PLEASE GIVE HIM THE STRENGTH TO PULL HIMSELF OUT OF IT, BECAUSE UNTIL HE'S READY, PROTECT HIM, AND MAKE IT FAST AND SWIFT, BECAUSE ONLY HE COULD HELP HIM SELF NOW...I TRIED ALL THE COUNCLING, OFFERS OF TX CENTERS, AND HE JUST SAID "WHAT THE HELL FOR, I'LL JUST PLAY THEIR GAME, AND HE WAS RIGHT....TRUST ME I WAS CALLED EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK, AND THE HATE REAKED FROM HIM...BUT ONE NIGHT ABOUT A YEAR LATER, I GOT A CALL FROM HIM FROM ANOTHER STATE, AND HE WAS IN AA, SOBER AND STRIGHT.....HE INVITED ME TO MEETINGS WITH HIM, I WENT AND WAS NEVER SO PROUD OF SOMEONE IN MY LIFE...HE IS NOW 30 AND A WONDERFUL DAD HIMSELF....HE TRIED TO DO THE AMENDS OF THE 12 STEPS TO ME, THE APOLIZE ONE...AND I TOLD HIM, JAKE IT WOULD KILL ME FOR YOU TO APOLIZE TO ME, AND I TOLD HIM "YOUR MY SON, I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY-WE ALL DID THINGS WE WISH WE HADN'T-I HOLD NO HARD FEELING FOR ANYTHING AND I WAS PROUD OF HIM AND HE WOULD NEVER HAVE TO APOLIZE TO ME FOR ANYTHING"...AT WHICH TIME HE KIND CHUCKLED AND SAID "MAN, WE MADE SOME REALLY BAD CHOICES, DIDN'T WE".....ONE THING I FOUND OUT, IS THE ONES WE LOVE THE MOST, HATE US THE MOST AT THAT TIME, WE ARE CONSTANT REMINDERS OF WHO IS GONE, AND YOU CAN'T HATE SOMETHING YOU NEVER LOVED IN THE FIRST PLACE, WE ARE A SAFE HATE FOR THEM...IT HURTS LIKE HELL, BUT DEATH TEARS THE VERY SEAM OF THE FAMILY APART FOR A WHILE, TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THE FAMILY, BUT WHEN THE SHARP EDGES START TO ROUND OFF A LITTLE AND THE PAIN BECOMES TOLERABEL FOR A FEW SECONDS AT A TIME, THE LOVE SEEPS BACK IN, JUST A TAD, BUT A TAD AT A TIME IS WHAT BRINGS IT BACK FULL CIRCLE.....WE ARE ALL CLOSER NOW AND STRONGER THEN ANYTHING, AND NO-ONE CAN COME BETWEEN US....IT TOOK MY SON OVER TEN YEARS TO EVEN GO TO HIS FATHERS GRAVE OF MENTION HIS NAME......THIS IS THE HARDEST PART YOU YOU RIGHT NOW, AND THERE ARE NO MAGIC ANSWERS FOR THE SITUATION, JUST PLAY IT BY EAR, AND DO WHAT IS NECESSARY AT THAT MOMENT, WE ALL SURVIVE A MOMENT AT A TIME IN THOES SITUATIONS, I THINK THAT IS ALL WE ARE ABLE TO TOLERATE.....KEEP PRAYING AND JUST ALWAYS BE THERE, THEY DO COME AROUND, BUT UNFORTUNTLY, IT IS AT THEIR TIME AND NEED, BUT THEY WILL NEED YOU WHEN THEY FEEL THEY ARE OK WITH THEMSELVES AND HAVE THAT FEW SECONDS OF PEACE....IT JUST TAKES A LONG TIME, BE PATIENT, AND LET THEM KNOW THE DOOR WILL ALWAYS BE OPEN WITH NO JUDGEMENT....AS I AM SURE YOU WILL.....I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND THE KIDS ALSO, GOD BLESS THEM AND GIVE THEM THE STRENGH THEY NEED TO SURVIVE, AND YOU ALSO MY FIREND.......

  


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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Oct 07, 2005 10:05


expander1 write:
verdaineq,
Speaking from my experience with an 18 year old son, his mom passed on 3 weeks before he was to graduate from HS. All h-ll followed. The other day he thanked me for not giving up on him. He doesn't say much so that one sentence spoke volumes. Hope this helps.


I have an adopted son from my first marriage that thanks me everytime we talk. He was my first wifes through her first marriage. When she and I got our divorce he first told me he would take me out if he ever saw me on the street. But.... He was my best man at Sweet Pea and my wedding. I know I can do things right... I am just strugglin' with this one.

Thanks for your words of encouragement.



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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Oct 07, 2005 10:03


strvoygr write:
Verdain, I tried getting my kids to go to counseling......they were not ready for it. I too have ahd a struggle getting my kids thorugh things and dealing with the death of their father. I agree that your son needs to pull himslef up out of the feelings and fepression he is esperiencing. All you can do is help him by being there and loving him. It may nto show now, but down the road, it will show and eventually he will appreciate you not giving up on him and loving him. I am always willing ot chat with you if you need an ear. I truly do understand how hard it is, especially with for the kids. I can also tell you, I never would have made it through any of my ordeal if it weren't for my kids. I focused on them, getting them through everything. You are doing what you can with what you have to the best of your ability Verdain.....keep on truckin on......you are doing a great job!!!!



I haven't even gotten myself into counseling yet. My boss has put that on my goal set at work. So... Maybe I can get both of us in there and work on this. My main problem is that he now has over $1000 a month comin' in from SS and from his real dad. He is playing with that instead of going to school. I was never allowed to correct him. I was always told that I was not his dad but his example. When he ditched school before, she would always call in and say something to make it an excused absense. he is not ditching any more than he always did. He is just not getting backing from me to get the absences excused. So, he is angry with me. It is a difficult situation. I got him his endorsement and asked him to ride to different places with me but he never does. We just don't know how to communicate with each other. That is what I need to learn in a very few weeks. When I talk with him and set guidelines he calls his dad and says he cannot stand the tension in the house. His dad backs him 100%. I am to the point that I wish he would just go live with his dad. But, his dad lives in Maryland and all his friends and his girl friend live here in Colorado.



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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Oct 07, 2005 06:01

Bea.. that made more sense than I can say... thank u, my friend... xo

  


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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Oct 06, 2005 17:43

verdaineq,
Speaking from my experience with an 18 year old son, his mom passed on 3 weeks before he was to graduate from HS. All h-ll followed. The other day he thanked me for not giving up on him. He doesn't say much so that one sentence spoke volumes. Hope this helps.



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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Oct 06, 2005 15:19

Verdain, I tried getting my kids to go to counseling......they were not ready for it. I too have ahd a struggle getting my kids thorugh things and dealing with the death of their father. I agree that your son needs to pull himslef up out of the feelings and fepression he is esperiencing. All you can do is help him by being there and loving him. It may nto show now, but down the road, it will show and eventually he will appreciate you not giving up on him and loving him. I am always willing ot chat with you if you need an ear. I truly do understand how hard it is, especially with for the kids. I can also tell you, I never would have made it through any of my ordeal if it weren't for my kids. I focused on them, getting them through everything. You are doing what you can with what you have to the best of your ability Verdain.....keep on truckin on......you are doing a great job!!!!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Oct 06, 2005 13:58


aBraveOldeSoul write:
Greetings Brothers and Sisters!

I too have lost a loved one. My wife Felicia was killed in a head-on car crash one night on her way to work in 88. It happened 2 weeks after we celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday... and just 3 days after we celebrated mine. She was my truest soulmate in every sense of the word. I was devastated. Physically ill for nearly a year. I tried everything short of putting a gun to my head to just check out and "find" her. My daughter was the only thing that kept me from doing it. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and is now in college. Graduated at the top of her class and with national honors. I'm very proud of her and looking back I'm amazed and wonder how the hell I made it this far. By the grace of God and the Angels that watch over me. It was 17 years ago now... but not a day goes by that I don't glance at her picture or think about her. I still talk to her silently in my head and from my heart. It takes no more than a few moments for that tidal wave of emotion to resurface and be in tears. But I've not let that ever stop me from loving others. It's what Felicia would have wanted and it's the one thing she taught me more than anything else.
Do I make comparisons? NO... I never have... simply because noone could ever possibly fill her shoes. I look at every one of us as being individual, as being unique and special in some way and having different gifts to share with the world. And that's how I approach every potential new relationship partner. Felicia taught me about unconditional love and forgiveness. Not easy things for a guy like me. But I've come a long way over the years and have tried to put these things into practice in every aspect of my life. I have a lot of love to give... I feel it's my repayment in sorts for the gifts I was blessed with in knowing her. Kinda just carrying on the mission that she had while here and then passed to me. It's been so long ago that for me... it isn't really an issue when entering into a new relationship or meeting someone new. I usually get the obligatory sympathies but I don't ever feel as though women don't want to see me because of it. All I can say is that life does move on eventually. The pain of losing someone ya love as much as I loved her never really goes away but ya do learn to live with it.
At this point in my life... I cherish every day, every breath and every moment spent in the company of someone that I can share myself with... mind, body, heart and soul. Every day is a gift. And I thoroughly savour life with every fiber in my body. For those of you still dealing with a recent loss... be strong and keep the faith. There really will be light again.

Peace to all! Dragon



I salute you for doin' so well with your daughter. I have a stepson with me and we are struggling to get him through his Sr. year in HS. We lost his mom the last week of school last year. He is not talking about it and is ditching school and failing in several classes now. We will survive but I feel for him because he is stuck with me. I am tryin' but I am not good at this. I don't have time to get good at it with just one school year left. He has two brothers that dropped out as Sophomores. I was really hoping I would be able to get him through but I am failing at that. He is the only one that can pull himself up and make it happen.



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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Oct 06, 2005 06:42

a brave old soul....wow, you were dealt a had one, but look at you and your daughter now........wonderful......isn't it amazing when we look back from where we started and see our selves now.....who, what, or which ever powers that be-someone gave us the strength to survive....i understand about wanting to go find her....i was so self destructive for 5 years, but i still woke every morning much to my suprize.......i remember paraying and saying every night "into your hands i give my soul", but again i woke every morning......so here i sit now, with no regreats, well some-i did some really stupid things-, but my family is close, my kids are strong and parents now, and i found someone to care for and them for me....so, yes live does continue.....sometimes in a time span we would like to change, but it all goes full circle and we get to start anew......i'm glad you are doing so well, and your daughter is doing well........sounds like you did a nice job with her...........

  


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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Oct 05, 2005 20:17


aBraveOldeSoul write:
Greetings Brothers and Sisters!

I too have lost a loved one. My wife Felicia was killed in a head-on car crash one night on her way to work in 88. It happened 2 weeks after we celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday... and just 3 days after we celebrated mine. She was my truest soulmate in every sense of the word. I was devastated. Physically ill for nearly a year. I tried everything short of putting a gun to my head to just check out and "find" her. My daughter was the only thing that kept me from doing it. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and is now in college. Graduated at the top of her class and with national honors. I'm very proud of her and looking back I'm amazed and wonder how the hell I made it this far. By the grace of God and the Angels that watch over me. It was 17 years ago now... but not a day goes by that I don't glance at her picture or think about her. I still talk to her silently in my head and from my heart. It takes no more than a few moments for that tidal wave of emotion to resurface and be in tears. But I've not let that ever stop me from loving others. It's what Felicia would have wanted and it's the one thing she taught me more than anything else.
Do I make comparisons? NO... I never have... simply because noone could ever possibly fill her shoes. I look at every one of us as being individual, as being unique and special in some way and having different gifts to share with the world. And that's how I approach every potential new relationship partner. Felicia taught me about unconditional love and forgiveness. Not easy things for a guy like me. But I've come a long way over the years and have tried to put these things into practice in every aspect of my life. I have a lot of love to give... I feel it's my repayment in sorts for the gifts I was blessed with in knowing her. Kinda just carrying on the mission that she had while here and then passed to me. It's been so long ago that for me... it isn't really an issue when entering into a new relationship or meeting someone new. I usually get the obligatory sympathies but I don't ever feel as though women don't want to see me because of it. All I can say is that life does move on eventually. The pain of losing someone ya love as much as I loved her never really goes away but ya do learn to live with it.
At this point in my life... I cherish every day, every breath and every moment spent in the company of someone that I can share myself with... mind, body, heart and soul. Every day is a gift. And I thoroughly savour life with every fiber in my body. For those of you still dealing with a recent loss... be strong and keep the faith. There really will be light again.

Peace to all! Dragon



Amen Soul!!!!



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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Oct 05, 2005 16:07

Greetings Brothers and Sisters!

I too have lost a loved one. My wife Felicia was killed in a head-on car crash one night on her way to work in 88. It happened 2 weeks after we celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday... and just 3 days after we celebrated mine. She was my truest soulmate in every sense of the word. I was devastated. Physically ill for nearly a year. I tried everything short of putting a gun to my head to just check out and "find" her. My daughter was the only thing that kept me from doing it. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and is now in college. Graduated at the top of her class and with national honors. I'm very proud of her and looking back I'm amazed and wonder how the hell I made it this far. By the grace of God and the Angels that watch over me. It was 17 years ago now... but not a day goes by that I don't glance at her picture or think about her. I still talk to her silently in my head and from my heart. It takes no more than a few moments for that tidal wave of emotion to resurface and be in tears. But I've not let that ever stop me from loving others. It's what Felicia would have wanted and it's the one thing she taught me more than anything else.
Do I make comparisons? NO... I never have... simply because noone could ever possibly fill her shoes. I look at every one of us as being individual, as being unique and special in some way and having different gifts to share with the world. And that's how I approach every potential new relationship partner. Felicia taught me about unconditional love and forgiveness. Not easy things for a guy like me. But I've come a long way over the years and have tried to put these things into practice in every aspect of my life. I have a lot of love to give... I feel it's my repayment in sorts for the gifts I was blessed with in knowing her. Kinda just carrying on the mission that she had while here and then passed to me. It's been so long ago that for me... it isn't really an issue when entering into a new relationship or meeting someone new. I usually get the obligatory sympathies but I don't ever feel as though women don't want to see me because of it. All I can say is that life does move on eventually. The pain of losing someone ya love as much as I loved her never really goes away but ya do learn to live with it.
At this point in my life... I cherish every day, every breath and every moment spent in the company of someone that I can share myself with... mind, body, heart and soul. Every day is a gift. And I thoroughly savour life with every fiber in my body. For those of you still dealing with a recent loss... be strong and keep the faith. There really will be light again.

Peace to all! Dragon



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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Oct 05, 2005 12:52

Blu...i read what yu wrote, and i do understand the guilt or apprehension of being happy or loving again.....it almost feels like a betrayal to the deseased.....my husband was sick for 7 years, and we talked alot about what would happen to me and the kids and what he wanted for my life.....i think if the words be spoken or not, it takes us along time to get over the guilt and all the chit that c-omes with maybe being happy again.....and guilt turns to destruction of our selves maybe because we feel guilty for having feelings, or being alive, or just because we get so screwed up with the whole death/widow thing......it took me many years (17) ouch, to finally feel comfortable to really love someone again....but that is me and we are all different.....but you MUST remember that he loved you to the max, and wanted a life of happiness for you, but his time was unfortunetly shorter then he planned, so if you remember what he wanted for you in life, he gave what he was able to give, and for sure would want it to continue for you-when you are ready......if someone truley loves someone, they understand that if they can't be there for some unseen trickery of life, they want your happiness to continue....i kinda feel that they send who we need to help fill the void that was left behind....i had been in a couple of relationships since rick died, but none were ever right, something was always missing-and i just couldn't figure out what it was......after so many years i have become pretty humble in alot of things, and i just asked for help from my soul, that i was ready for the fist time to love someone again.....and within a few days, thoes prayers were answered.....don't get me wrong, i have a tremendous struggle with religion/god, the whole gammit of it, but once in a while i do break, and this time my feelings are just so natual and easy, no struggling or seconds guessing, just like it was with rick.........so after a whole page of babbling here, yes-i truley beleive that he would want you to be happy and smile and feel safe and love and be loved.......it does nothing to either his or your feelings you had for each other.......and it never will change what you had with him.....it's just another life you have to live now, with the first being tucked away safley in your heart and mind......i hope some of this made sence.....death of a loved one, plays soooooo many tricks on our minds, we can have a million thoughts running around at the same time.............lol.......

  


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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Oct 05, 2005 12:24


DakotaBlu write:
I've been reading this particular thread since the beginning... some very wise words being spoken here... those of you that 'know' me, know that my loss was sudden and violent... we never spoke about what we wished for each other upon the death of one of us... I think we thought we'd both live forever... maybe it sounds crazy, but I now know how important it is to discuss the "what ifs"... it's been nearly 5 years and sometimes I still find myself wondering what he'd expect of me... I'm sure he'd want me to move on and be happy... that's certainly what I'd want for him had the situation been reversed... but if I had heard him actually SAY those words, that haunting question would have never been an issue... just my 1 1/2 cents worth... xo to you all.. Blu


He would want you to be happy and if that means being and loving someone else that is what you should be doing. I know that you didn't hear those words but think of how he flelt about you. I bet he tried to keep you happy and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. He did that because that is what he wanted you to feel like. Why would he stop wanting that for you now? He is with you in your heart and always will be. Since he is in your heart, make your whole heart feel warm and fuzzy for the both of you. Good luck my friend. May the rest of your life be filled with love, hugs, smiles, laughter, rainbows and butterflies dancin' along the road to happiness for your heart and his. Ride Free and LRB to him.



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