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Widow and Widowers post only please.
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 19, 2005 08:53


speedyjerry write:
It's not easy Bro, when and if you ever get over your loss more smiles will come. Had a wife die in my arms 20 years ago in a traffic accident, son was 1 1/2 at the time. Remarried 5 yrs later so he would have a mom and I would have companionship, she was great but as my son got older it didn't work out and divorced 3-4 years ago. I think of his mom numerous times a day and will forever as she was a tough act for any woman to follow. Yes, I can't help unconciously comparing other lady's to her but it happens and will continue as she spoiled me rotten for the few years of happiness we had. A few weeks ago I met a gal that took my breath away for the first time in 20 yrs, the similarity's are scary in a way but good. I look forward to seeing her every day after work and she has the same feelings for me. This has been the happiest three weeks I have had in 20 yrs.........There is hope but you gotta be patient and not settle for something less than you deserve or desire, I tried that a time or two and it didn't work, it's not fair to yourself or another lady. This gal and I just look at each other and bust out laughing, that's how happy we are to finally meet.



Like I said in another post somewhere on here...you're a pretty ok guy, Jerry.

Sorry to hear you went through this, but so glad you found love again.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 19, 2005 06:51

The one thing I have noticed about widows and widowers is that those who lost their loved one rapidly or unexpectedly have a more difficult time than those of us who watched a love one die slowly over a long period of time. We had long talks about me and my future. We were able to grieve together for a year. Each day was a good day because she woke up. But, our ability to grieve and talk together has really been a help to me. I have no children at home now. We had no children together. We both had children from previous marriages. My step son was supposed to stay with me 'til he graduated from HS but he has moved out and in with his long time sweetheart and her family. His father approves of that. So, I have an empty nest now. It is different but good.

I have been meeting ladies from all over. Locally in bars, on BK and the other site and on a couple of other web sites. All kinds of backgrounds. when they find out I am a widow, they all give the old sorry pitch and poof. It is as if I have a desease they may catch. They are all afraid of being a "transitional lady". I guess I cannot blame them for that fear. But, what do you do to remove that fear. Everytime you switch from one person to another it is transitional, wheather it be from a divorce or lovers or as widows. No one wants to be a transitional person but everyone is.. Even when you are young and you move out of the house with your folks and in with that special someone it is a transitional situation.



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 19, 2005 04:37

It's not easy Bro, when and if you ever get over your loss more smiles will come. Had a wife die in my arms 20 years ago in a traffic accident, son was 1 1/2 at the time. Remarried 5 yrs later so he would have a mom and I would have companionship, she was great but as my son got older it didn't work out and divorced 3-4 years ago. I think of his mom numerous times a day and will forever as she was a tough act for any woman to follow. Yes, I can't help unconciously comparing other lady's to her but it happens and will continue as she spoiled me rotten for the few years of happiness we had. A few weeks ago I met a gal that took my breath away for the first time in 20 yrs, the similarity's are scary in a way but good. I look forward to seeing her every day after work and she has the same feelings for me. This has been the happiest three weeks I have had in 20 yrs.........There is hope but you gotta be patient and not settle for something less than you deserve or desire, I tried that a time or two and it didn't work, it's not fair to yourself or another lady. This gal and I just look at each other and bust out laughing, that's how happy we are to finally meet.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Sep 18, 2005 21:04

I am not widowed, but I dated a guy that was. It had been less than 6 months. He had more trouble with it than I did. He THOUGHT he was ready to move on, then found out he wasn't. I, for one, won't take a second look at a profile that says married or separated. Regardless of how we ended up single, we are all in the same boat.....looking for someone to share life with.



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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Sep 18, 2005 11:05

I don't think anyone wants to deal with baggage of any kind.When my wife passed suddenly ,I still had two kids to raise didn't/wasn't ready to date .When I got my self together started dating yes I did see some ladies that dated married men ,seperated,had boyfriends ,etc.I chose not to date them.I have even gone home with a lady only to find she lives with her almost ex husband,and she tells me "he doesn't mind " if I bring someone home.I don't think so.I guess what I have found is that if you run into people like this on a regular basis ,you need to go to diferent places to meet people.Not every lady hooks up with married,seperated guys.But you also have to clear your end of baggage ,get your "transitional lady" relationship ,move on.I am asked about my wife and I answer truthfully ,but I don't elaborate.I didn't choose to be single/and raise two kids on my own,but I am comfortable with my life and if /when I meet that certain person ,we will enjoy the best years of our lives.Until then I am not necessarily single ,but am unattached at this time.



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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Sep 18, 2005 06:09

I think you may be right. Women do seem to be a bit apprehensive if your widowed. And most likey because of what you said "The comparison thing".
I know the first question for me is usually "How long has it been?"
I'm sure they ask that because everyone knows that time heals or dulls pain over time and they more than likley don't want to get knee deep into a relationship with someone that could be emotionally unstable or hear nothing but "My wife" stories which is where they would feel the comparison thing.
The whole trick to this I guess is first, getting the first date/meeting thing over with and if they see or hear that you are fine with the loss and ready to move on- bang, you'll be upgraded to the divorced/single/seperated catagory.
Anyway, that's my take on the widowed/widoer perdiciment.
Dusty



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