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Widow and Widowers post only please.
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Mar 06, 2006 05:09

rac1257 write:
I tried that(except the lady part) The question was still asked. When I told her I was widowed I could tell by the look in her eyes that this would be the shortest romance on record.

well, at least you have a good sence of humor about it.....and it is true what you said, about the look in their eyes...i never really thought about it until you said something........omg, it's like we have so lepersay (sp)......looking back, it does make me chuckle though......

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Mar 06, 2006 05:05

islandgirl write:
I understand how you feel. I have been a widow for 6 mos. It's like all new territory. I'm like a duck out of water. I'm intimidated, scared, leary. Maybe we should just say we're single! I wonder if that will help.:)
"single lady" Islandgirl

islandgirl....i was so sorry to read your post..its horrible to see how many of us are in this thread..your right though-it is new territory and is scarey....were all here to help you in anyway we can, and give you our utmost support, so please feel safe here, ok?...sometimes it's nice to have a safe haven to go to when things get ruff and scarey.......once again, i am so very sorry for your loss

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Mar 05, 2006 20:46

I tried that(except the lady part) The question was still asked. When I told her I was widowed I could tell by the look in her eyes that this would be the shortest romance on record.



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Mar 04, 2006 22:39

I understand how you feel. I have been a widow for 6 mos. It's like all new territory. I'm like a duck out of water. I'm intimidated, scared, leary. Maybe we should just say we're single! I wonder if that will help.:)
"single lady" Islandgirl



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Mar 04, 2006 06:59

rac1257 write:
Being a widower It was hard for me to date for a long time. When I met someone i wanted to get to know better she told me that she couldn't compete with a ghost.I didn't know what to say to that. I have been in 1 long term relationship since then and when it ended part of the problem was still that I was widowed. I rarely bring up my late wife unless someone asks, and even then I'm reluctant.
I would never think about comparing, or having some sort of "competition" that in itself would be too bizarre.

rac---i understand what you are saying.....for some reason people get scared or feel threatened if someone lost a spouse to death instead of divorce....i don't understand it myself, but i am not on that side of the coin...i've been a widow for 17 years now, and have never compared anyone, but have been told the same thing--"i can't compete with a ghost"...i wish people could understand that when we finally put ourselves out there that we have been able to place that life away, and are willing to try again....i often wondered if they feel that way because we didn't lose our spouse for lack of love, but horrible circumstances...people assume how we feel, and that is a shame, and like you i never explain things or talk about my past unless asked....i've learned that i can only give what is left in me and if that isn't enough, there is nothing i can do about it....i've become what i have become...hang in there because there are people that do understand and don't feel threatened....your pretty young and your wife must of been young, for that i am sorry...i still hate to hear this...don't try to explain your existance to anyone, live your life like you want, and someone will come along who will understand.........i hope this helped some.....it's been a long time for me, but i still wonder to myself ---who ever thought when we were younger that our lives would of turned out like they did....i figure that the powers that be knew what was to come and we were to be by their side when the time came....knowing we never would of bailed out on them, and loved them to the end....i dunno, but it is strange isn't it?

  


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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Mar 03, 2006 09:04

saxon write:
dreamer8 write:
If your loved one has to leave you
With no chance to say 'goodbye'
And no chance to say 'I love you'
Or to hug you when you cry.
Theres one thing you can be sure of
They are never far away
So,dont live your life regretting
What you did or did not say
Just sit quietly by their photo
And pour out whats in your heart
They will hear you,they will understand
Although you are apart.
And as you pick up the peices
Of your life and carry on
There is one thing to be sure of
They are never really gone.


WOW !! stunning words

Thank you kind sir.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Mar 03, 2006 02:36

Being a widower It was hard for me to date for a long time. When I met someone i wanted to get to know better she told me that she couldn't compete with a ghost.I didn't know what to say to that. I have been in 1 long term relationship since then and when it ended part of the problem was still that I was widowed. I rarely bring up my late wife unless someone asks, and even then I'm reluctant.
I would never think about comparing, or having some sort of "competition" that in itself would be too bizarre.



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Feb 28, 2006 13:02

dreamer8......i liked that poem.....it gave me chills.......you are right, we are never really alone.....



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Feb 27, 2006 03:08

If your loved one has to leave you
With no chance to say 'goodbye'
And no chance to say 'I love you'
Or to hug you when you cry.
Theres one thing you can be sure of
They are never far away
So,dont live your life regretting
What you did or did not say
Just sit quietly by their photo
And pour out whats in your heart
They will hear you,they will understand
Although you are apart.
And as you pick up the peices
Of your life and carry on
There is one thing to be sure of
They are never really gone.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Feb 21, 2006 16:15

I lost my husband a little over 2 years ago. I have figured out that I needed to quit worrying about "finding " someone. Had to find out I was okay by myself and that if a person I date can't accept me talking about some of the things my husband and I did together from time to time, well, p--- on him !! I was with my husband for 20 years, worked beside him , had fun, cried and had many many experiences. There would be something wrong with me if I didn't miss him! I don't compare anyone to him - that is absurd. Guys I have dated can mention doing something with an old girlfriend or ex wife - no big deal, but - mention the dead - they freak - so strange.



In a way I think maybe being with someone who has gone thru a similar experience is better??

Nice to know none of us is alone. We all have lost someone very dear to us - it wasn't our choice, they didn't quit loving us, we didn't quit loving them but we have had to move on.

For me I have found that it is easier to have put the pictures away from anyone else's eyes - they are for my eyes only now. When my son comes to visit ( grown and lives 900 miles away), we will get family albums out and look thru them.

I do believe that at some point down the road there will be another big love in my life - not going to sweat it in the mean t

  


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Feb 14, 2006 06:51

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone...Hugs...

  


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Feb 14, 2006 03:48

dane.thanks for bring this back to life.....yes i said back to life....lol....its a good post and to be honest i couldn't find it, but here it is.....this is a good thing.....happy valentines day..



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Feb 14, 2006 03:45

blue....i read what you had written, and i understand what you are saying, but now i can't speak for others but i know for a fact that after my husband died and i did start seeing other people again, it didn't matter how i felt about them-i never could get over the fear of losing someone again and having to go thru that pain again-so i would sabatoge every relationship (either intentionally or unintentionly), trying to avoid any more pain, because i honestly felt that it would kill what was left in me....i guess i am just asking to please not judge all widow's with this experience you had and i am sorry you are hurting like you are...we just have a had time with fear...it sounds like she still has a way to go yet....we become excellent runners-we run like hell from everything emotional for quite sometime, but we do finally to learn to walk again........i'll quite babbling, but i hope this help some....for what it is worth have a grat valetines day...........



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Feb 11, 2006 10:10

blueyedwench write:
i hear ya , n if your a widow with kids , guys think your looking for daddy num 2........ not


(((((((((blueyedwench)))))))))))) I have her son with me. He is a Sr in HS. He will graduate this year. His dad is in MD and he chose to stay here with me. Now ladies are a little hesitant with me because of him. I am lucky in that I am seeing a sweet lady who is willing to tough it out with me. She has a son and a daughter still at home. Her son is a Sr. in HS and her daughter is about to enter HS. I will not replace their father either. I did not replace Sweet Pea's sons real dad. I just give him a place to stay until he graduates. I will do the same with this ladies children. I adopted my first wifes son. She and I had three more and then when we divorced and Sweet Pea and I got together I had her three sons for a while. One more won't hurt but I am kinda in need of some adult time with no children around for a while. I have had children in my homes since I was 19 and I am 55 now.



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Feb 07, 2006 07:34

verdaineg write:
Just bringin' this thread back to life. No pun intended. I am just in a weird mood. May your evenin' be filled with love, hugs, smiles, laughter, and warm thoughts deep in your heart. Ride Free

Thank you Dane...glad you did bring this thread back. The words shared here by you & others I feel really help...Hugs to you Hun...

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Feb 06, 2006 21:40

verdaineg write:
Just bringin' this thread back to life. No pun intended. I am just in a weird mood. May your evenin' be filled with love, hugs, smiles, laughter, and warm thoughts deep in your heart. Ride Free

Same to you Dane. You did a great thing here by starting and maintaining this thread.
Hugs sweetie,

DD

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Feb 06, 2006 19:12

Just bringin' this thread back to life. No pun intended. I am just in a weird mood. May your evenin' be filled with love, hugs, smiles, laughter, and warm thoughts deep in your heart. Ride Free



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Jan 09, 2006 21:01

BLUEULTRA1999 write:
I am not a widower but did date one for 2.5 years and got badly hurt by her... so I thought I would share my story for your benefit....

Her husband was already dead 3 years when I met her but I was the first person she really dated and whom she seemed to fall in love with...however, his picture and ashes were on the night stand when I met her, and are there to this day...

In fact, 8 months after I met her she/we had a Xmas party and it was my picture she put in a drawer. I should have left her then but was deeply in love with her. I made her take it out and we "talked" and she swore she was in love with me.

Well long story short, she dumped me and his picture and ashes are still on the night stand and I am trying to heal my wounds. If you want more proof that she is still in love with "him" and has not moved on, she uses their combined initials on this site as her profile name even though its six years after his death and continues to try to fulfill promises made to him before he died.

I wish her well but it still hurts. So maybe this will help some out there. Best wishes to all widows and widowers...but personally, I would think more than twice about dating a widow again. Its like she was cheating on me the entire time.

Thanks for your perspective, Blue. It is different for widows and widowers. We did lose a person we loved and who loved us. Those lost loved ones will never be forgotten or eliminated from our lives. They did not leave our relationships in anger. There was no animosity between the lost one or the living who is left to cope.

The persons that we fall in love with will have to be very understanding about the person we had children with. The person we have in our heart. At the same time we widows and widowers need to be aware of our new loves' sensitivities. We should be able to keep one or two pics of our lost love one on display but we should also be proud of our new love and show their pics and possessions too. To get to that point will take time for us. Each of us is different and that length of time will be short for some and a very long time for others.

Sometimes a new love, or what we think is a new love, isn't, and we figure that out after a period of time. That process, in my opinion, occurs wheather or not we are widowed. Sometimes the blame for that is misconstrued as being a trait of a widow or widower. If you look at the couples that get together and break up on this site you will find that it happens a lot wheather you are widowed, divorced, or just single. It is part of life and the mating process. My two cents.

Dane

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Jan 09, 2006 15:33

Hi..very good insight and points however nowhere did I say I would NEVER date a widow again... but I am definitely gun shy...



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 07, 2006 12:20

I am not a widower but did date one for 2.5 years and got badly hurt by her... so I thought I would share my story for your benefit....

Her husband was already dead 3 years when I met her but I was the first person she really dated and whom she seemed to fall in love with...however, his picture and ashes were on the night stand when I met her, and are there to this day...

In fact, 8 months after I met her she/we had a Xmas party and it was my picture she put in a drawer. I should have left her then but was deeply in love with her. I made her take it out and we "talked" and she swore she was in love with me.

Well long story short, she dumped me and his picture and ashes are still on the night stand and I am trying to heal my wounds. If you want more proof that she is still in love with "him" and has not moved on, she uses their combined initials on this site as her profile name even though its six years after his death and continues to try to fulfill promises made to him before he died.

I wish her well but it still hurts. So maybe this will help some out there. Best wishes to all widows and widowers...but personally, I would think more than twice about dating a widow again. Its like she was cheating on me the entire time.